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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Obedience (01/31/05)

TITLE: Protected by an Umbrella
By mary wolf
02/05/05


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Protected by an Umbrella


“No one is going to tell me what to do!”

“We are just trying to protect you.”

“Leave me alone! I might make a mistake but at least it will be my mistake.”

Leaving she slammed the door her parents home.

Why wouldn’t they understand, she wasn’t their baby anymore?
She could think for herself. Now her sixteenth birthday was a disaster.

Spinning out of the driveway, as fast as she could she headed onto the main highway. She never even looked.

The driver knew he would never get his eighteen wheeler stopped soon enough.
As the impact came, he could only pray she had her seat belt on, and for protection only God could give.

No one could grasp how she even got out alive.
Arielle lay unconscious, in the hospital

Her father prayed, “There were so many miracles already Lord. I know you were in control. Arielle has no broken bones, and doesn’t seem to be injured internally. Please protect her mind in this unconscious state.”

Arielle swollen brain was taking her into an imaginary world, that was very real to her.
She was sitting on a rock, in the middle of a meadow, hanging on to a large umbrella.
Above her was a canopy that had zippers all over it. Occasionally, the zippers would open, and burning arrows would shoot toward her.
However they hit the umbrella, before reaching her.
She began to walk, trying to carry the umbrella, but it was large and difficult.
It kept her from moving freely or doing what she wanted.

“I just won’t stay under this stupid thing anymore!” Letting go of it,
“Wow, I’m free to go anywhere now.

Instead of falling down, The umbrella floated right beside her.

All of a sudden, she was so thirsty. Seeing a stream, she though she might get a drink so she Begin to run, toward it.
A huge burning arrow headed straight for her.
Faster and faster she ran. She was running out of breath. Remembering the umbrella, she tried to dodge under it but it moved aside!
The burning arrow overtook her. Badly burned, she reached cool stream. Bending, she scooped up water to put on her wound.

Watching the tadpoles swim. She meandered on down the path, staying beside the stream. Just when she began thinking everything was going to be Ok, she saw another arrow.

Although she ran, the flaming arrow struck her in the back.
She rolled on the grass to put out the fire.

“Why do they always hit me?” she wept.

Looking up to see where the zippers were, she noticed the umbrella. It floated along beside her, but never over her.

“There’s that stupid umbrella. When I need it, it is never there.”

Remembering how safe she had been, before she let go of it, she decided. “Perhaps it would be better if I were limited. At least I would be protected.” Grabbing the handle of the umbrella, she pulled it over her head.

Many fiery darts fell after that, but she was completely protected.

The doctor called to Arielle’s parents.
“She is coming around. You may go in for a short time.”

Still very sleepy, she could recognize them when they talked to her.

“Doctor, will she be alright?”

“As far as we know, there is nothing wrong a little rest won’t fix.”
“There was some swelling, but no lasting damage. “
“We will keep an eye on her for a couple of days, after that, you can take her home.”
Earily the next morning Airelle asked, “Dad why are you always right?”

He wrapped her in his arms, “Honey, I’ll try to explain this the best I can.”

Quietly, she nodded and listened.

“God placed you in our home. He gave us the responsibility of training you.”
“ God holds me responsible for mistakes, however, you are protected, as long as you obey.”

“As Parents, we are a big umbrella of protection. When you disobey, you step out from under that umbrella. That exposes you to trials and temptations you are not strong enough to endure yet.”

With eyes as big a saucers, Arielle began to weep.

“I apologized, Please forgive my disobedience.”

“Of course we forgive you, we love you. But Arielle, Loving you sometimes means, we make decisions that are against what you want. Do you understand that also?"

“ Yes”, It is so clear to me now.” She smiled, just pray that will not be disobedient to you or God.”


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This article has been read 588 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Karri Compton02/07/05
Very enjoyable story. I echo the above comment. If it weren't for the grammatical errors and misplaced quotation marks, it would've been a very good piece. Keep writing, and edit, edit, edit! Read books and notice how they structure the dialogue, and imitate it. Looking forward to seeing more of your work.
Cheri Hardaway 02/11/05
You hooked your reader from the beginning; good work. As the others said, don't forget to edit. It will make your good work even better!!

God bless,