The Official Writing Challenge
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03/07/14
Wow! Intense & powerful...what a story! Great job!
03/07/14
Powerfully intense! Excellent job with this gripping entry...I never would have thought it was a dream, you totally took me by surprise.

Fantastic story,I'm sure it'll get the judges attention!

God bless~
Interesting turn on a well written story.

Creative writing thrives on these.
03/09/14
What a roller coaster. Great story with a fantastic ending.

Two "red ink" comments. When describing the door handle you said "cast medal" and I believe you mean "metal." The other is to check your punctuation marks before submitting. Near the end you have both .? in one set of speech, and you were also missing an opening quote mark.

You're a gifted storyteller as this proves. I encourage you to spend a little more time editing to make the tales stronger.
03/10/14
I love stories of dreams and you did a great job with this one. Good writing and good descriptions. I could feel the MC's emotion.
03/11/14
Wow I never would have thought it was a dream. Sad intro, but roped me in from beginning! Good writing, double check, triple check punctuation, mistakes always sneak by us!
03/12/14
This is a powerfully written piece. I felt Jacque's pain and hopelessness. The scene at the astronomical clock was riveting and was a perfect image for this week's challenge topic.

Be careful not to overuse the "it was only a dream ending." Jan did a lesson this week on great endings. http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=67&t=37967 She used to be a challenge judge and the dream ending was quite common.

I'm glad that Brother John has a place in your story. He is both strong and compassionate as he points Jacque towards Christ. I hope that I can learn to balance both strength and love when ministering to people who are suffering.