Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: At Wit’s End (02/13/14)
TITLE: The Aimless Journey
By Walter Kahler
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The both of us began settling into married life. Learning each other’s likes and dislikes was a challenge, but the love we had made it easier to adjust. The early years had so many great memories. One of the fondest was driving from Georgia to Moab Utah to visit Arches National Park. We spent two weeks on the journey and were awed at the spectacular views. The pictures we took are still enjoyable today.
Something changed. We started having some serious trouble and seemed to drift apart. The arguments were frequent, and the resolutions were nil. We tried all sorts of things to get over the hump. Counseling, couple’s meetings and date nights got nowhere. We tried to clean the slate, and this seemed to bring hope. I had thought we were moving forward. She had said she wanted a divorce, but that was awhile back. It had been a couple of years since she had expressed a departure.
It happened in the fall of 2003. I was sitting on the couch in the living room, and heard a knock at the door. I answered and standing on the front stoop was a sheriff deputy. He asked who I was and after responding to him, handed me the divorce papers. I had to sign for them and then I knew the reality. My wife was casting me away. I was devastated.
This news floored me. I couldn’t believe she would do such a thing and began repeating to myself “how did it get to this point?” I knew it wasn’t the best of marriages, but I did give her a fair and honest effort. I never cheated nor physically harmed her. I tried my best at being considerate to her needs.
After the shock, depression set in. I moped around feeling sorry for myself. I was under the thumb of gloom and doom. I am not sure how long I stayed in the depressive mode but a shift in the emotional scale came, and another negative response to this life episode emerged. Anger began dwelling inside myself leading the way to a series of bad choices.
At this point in my life, anger had been tucked away. I worked hard to change my bitter ways and God had given me relief from its paralyzing grip. Rage had become non-existent, and it was years since I caused any physical harm or property damage. I did occasionally get mad but was always able to work through it. But this was different and the first bad decision I made was to turn my back on God. This cost me dearly.
Little by little this bitterness was eating me for lunch. My entire mind was consumed with thoughts of making her feel bad for throwing me out like a bag of trash. The resentment toward her erupted like a volcano spewing out hateful feelings. The knot in my stomach become overbearing. To add fuel to the fire, she would not show up in court to finalize it. I was furious. This was the last straw and brought me to the breaking point. I had arrived at wit’s end.
I did not deal with this frustration constructively. I chose to get drunk over this escapade and returned to the aimless journey of alcoholism. I turned to the bottle instead of Christ. I spent years in a self-imposed prison. This decision to drink did not make anything better, and it only got worse. There was no peace until I became willing to let go and let God take care of me. The moment I let Christ back into my life He rescued me from all the despair.
By the grace of God, I am sober today and when I get dazed and confused I know exactly the actions to take. I no longer have to reach the point of self-destruction. There is always hope. Freedom from the bondage of self only comes from salvation.
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