The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/20/14
This was a delightful story to read.

"...after five years of marriage he had abruptly decided that it was over."

I used to always put the word 'that' in my writing like you did in the above sentence until I learned it doesn't need to be there.

I'm learning to become a better writer here at FW's and if you stick around and keep writing you will do.

I thought this line, "The shredded tire taunted Jessica, “You can’t fix me nahnah nahnah nahhhnaaah!”" was great.

I just recently read something that discussed using personification of objects in story writing. I can't remember exactly what I read about it but I like it in your story.

God bless~
02/21/14
What a beautiful story! Hope, inspiration and a fantastic message...Amen.

God Bless~
02/22/14
Hey - great story. I like the title "Welcome to Whit's End". I assume the name of the town and community church was Whit's End? Clever!
02/23/14
What a relief after a very bad day and at your wits' end not knowing how to go any further to hear 'singing was like from a choir of angels'. It planted hope that gives us the will to live. Then to come to a Church with a sign: "COME AND KNOW HIS PEACE" and ends with "YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS." God gives to His beloved rest and peace. Wonderful story.
02/23/14
what a heartwarming story. I hope you take this the right way, but it kind of reminded me of one of those Hallmark holiday movies where something almost magical happens at the end that makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy.

Red ink comments:
*Punctuation goes inside question marks: "I'm new" she said.
*I'm not sure she would have used the past tense when talking to herself in this line: "'There was not a car in sight' she thought..."
*I think you may wanto put a -- between "going on" and "just that" in this sentence: "They did not know what was going on just that they were going to see their grandmother and yet they chose today of all days to act out."

For a first entry, I think you did great. Keep writing!

02/23/14
This is a great story, and I love that the name of the church is Whit's End!

Keep writing! I look forward to reading more of your work.
02/24/14
This is a great story that kept me glued to the computer screen!

Keep Writing!
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