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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: At Witís End (02/13/14)

TITLE: Sleepless
By Linda Buskirk
02/17/14


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Finally, at 4:00 AM my feet got warm. I pulled off my knee-high cotton socks and tossed them over to the other bed. I settled back under the covers and waited. Hallelujah, they were staying warm.

It seemed I had been awake more than asleep all night. Why does this always happen in hotel rooms? I set the thermostat to 72 - that's warmer than my house. But the chill in my feet, legs and arms stubbornly lingered, blocking all possibilities of relaxation and sound sleep.

The reason for the dilemma is obvious. My hot husband is not here. He is good looking and I love him, but the hot attribute I am missing now is body heat. It radiates from him even when our bodies don't touch. He lets me put my icy toes on his calves and ahhhh, relief. But I'm on the road for business and he's snug at home keeping all that heat to himself.

Maybe if I turn for the 89th time and readjust the pillows and pull the covers tighter... Where is that extra blanket? Oh, I forgot. There is no extra blanket! I tilt my head to look again at the alarm clock. 4:30. Good grief. Have I been tossing and turning with my mind running for another half hour?

Try repeating those Bible verses you've memorized, I suggest to myself.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..." When I get to paths of righteousness I start thinking about my travel in the morning and the report I need to finish, and that I forgot to print my boarding passes. I wonder, will I ever be brave enough to send those passes electronically to my phone? How's that work, anyway? Do I need an app? Where is my phone? Did I plug it in to the charger?

I shoot my hand out from under the covers and pat around on the night stand until I find my phone. Good, it's plugged in. Maybe I should take a quick look at email. Wait. Rats. Exposing my arm to the cold night air was a mistake. Now I have to get up. No, that's ridiculous. I just went to the bathroom around 2. Surely I can wait another hour. Don't think about it.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." God, I really need to sleep. Please. I am at my witís end here. "And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Peace, warmth. Peace. Oh, for crying out loud. Okay, fine. I will go to the bathroom. I'll never get to sleep if I don't.

Yipes! That marble floor is freezing! Now my feet are cold. Where are those socks? On they go and I drop back into bed. I search for that peace, and I think I find it. Maybe it's just exhaustion, but whatever, it seems to be staying. I am so sleepy....

BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ. What?! Already?! Okay, up and at 'em. Tonight, I will sleep with Mr. Hot.


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This article has been read 154 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Wendy B McLain 02/20/14
This was an excellent entry. I had to laugh because it sounds a lot like me. One thing I'd like to point out to help you (in your obvious talent of writing a great story) is to italicize words that are thoughts.


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." God, I really need to sleep. Please. I am at my witís end here. "And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Wendy B McLain 02/20/14
Oops hit the send button before I was finished, sorry,

Overall, you're a great writer. You might want to head over to the forums where you'll find Ann's Grammar Basics.

I need help in that area myself.

God bless~
CD (Camille) Swanson 02/21/14
This brought a smile to my face...especially about the cold feet, most women will relate to this story.

Very well done.

God BLess~
Toni Babcock 02/22/14
Very cute slice of life story. You have a real talent for bringing your readers into the moment! Keep writing!
Richard Hicks02/24/14
This is a very descriptive entry down to the very last detail...EXCELLENT!

My wife has cold feet, but I'm the one who never sleeps. I always tell her I am hot blooded. HA! I am so hot natured I hardly sleep with the covers.

Anyway I loved this story, it reminded me of my sweet wife.

Great Job,keep writing!
Larry Whittington02/24/14
What does it say? Change the things you can but accept the things you can't without complaining? (Where?)

Funny since it wasn't me.

Well written. Easy to read.

A good picture of how our mind works overtime - sometimes to our good but not always.

I liked the verses. I liked the writing.
Toni Hammer 02/25/14
Super cute story! I have been there many, many, many times.

My red ink comment concerns separating her internal dialogue from the rest of the story. Perhaps italicize it. I got a little lost sometimes when you switched from telling the story to what she was thinking.

This was a very enjoyable read and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Dave Walker 02/25/14
Great writing! Had me captivated from the start. I loved the humour.

My only suggestion for tweaking would be to keep with the present tense from the start.
It's a great tense for this story and had me right there with you.
The ending was great and so typical -- just like all of your story. Keep writing. You're gifted.
Maura J. Merrigan02/25/14
Cute story ! Liked the humor. Easy, fun read. I can relate to the feet and hubby feet warmer!