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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Dead End (02/06/14)

TITLE: A Night to Remember
By Robin Ocasio


“Look at him,” Whispered one evil spirit to the other.
“This will be our chance,” chortled the second, rubbing his long talons together in glee.

Adam stood at the bar, head back polishing off his beer. With a loud clunk, he set the empty down. A sloppy grin stretched his mouth wide. “Hit me again, beautiful”

He stood tall, puffing out his chest, trying to look his most handsome, charming self. Maybe if he played his cards right, he could score a phone number from the little lady.

“How about you and me take a ride in my convertible? See the sights”

“Another Oaf, two sheets to the wind,” groaned Bea inwardly. Turning slowly she put on her most winsome smile, hoping to soften the coming NO with a little flattery and a hefty helping of luck. “Well, good looking, I’m afraid I have to say no to both.” She leaned forward, softening her voice just a might, “See that fellow at the end of the bar?” She nodded her head to the right. After a quick glance from Adam, followed by affirming nod, she continued, “That’s my boss. This is my first week and he’s watching me like a hawk. You wouldn’t want to get me canned would you?”

Adam leaned in towards the pretty little thing and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “No, Sugar, I guess not. Then we might be able to meet up again sometime when you’re not working,”

Bea batted her eyelashes. “I might just take you up on that sometime. You come back real soon darling.” She turned back to work with a relieved sigh.

Adam, made his way to the door occasionally muttering “Excuse me, ” he slurred” stumbling into one patron and then another.

Eventually he made it out the door and found his car. Sitting in the drivers’ seat he fumbled with the ignition. “Stupid Car,” He pounded on the dash. “Stupid Key”

Vroom, Vroom, the engine roared to life. Adam felt good. He loved that sound. “That a way, baby, ” he crooned, now stroking the dash.

Adam was oblivious to the evil accompanying him.

“Soon, very soon now he will truly be in our power”

“Yes, ” replied the other spirit, “All those Sunday school lessons, youth group meetings and prayers from his mama will finally be conquered.” Malice and hate resounded in each word.

The evil one stretched his talons out surrounding Adam’s head with them. He put his slimy mouth next to his ear and spoke, nudging him along. “The streets are empty. How nice. It’s the perfect time, to open this baby up? See just how fast she can reach 100 miles per hour?”

Adam considered the thought for a heartbeat. Looked to the left, then looked to right and stomped on the throttle. And he was off.

Glancing down, he read the speedometer. 85 mph.


“Pedal to the metal,” shouted Adam.

“Faster. Faster!”

98 mph.

“Whoa Baby!” Adam felt ALIVE.

“This is fast.”

102 mph.

“Go. Go faster,” the foul breath swished over him.

121 mph.

“Faster, she can go faster.”

140 mph. “WOW! How long has it been? 60 seconds tops.”

Adam looked ahead.

“Oh, No!”

Fear screamed through Adam’s drunken mind.

His body became rigid.

A solid granite wall loomed before him.

Each brick of the massive church rapidly filled his vision.

“It’s a dead end.”

Time seemed to stand still. Each second that passed felt like an eternity.

He saw tiny imperfections in the granite. “Funny,” he thought “I have passed this church a thousand times and never once noticed all those defects.”

That was Adams last thought before everything went dark.

“He He He” laughed the spirits. You’re ours. Nothing you can do about it.” Venom laced the words.

What was that sound? Adam turned his head slowly. He didn’t know where he was. Somehow, he was hovering over his body.

Then a Red face came into view. Horns protruded from both sides of its ugly, gruesome head. Pure evil radiated from the being. Hatred poured out of the pointy eyes. They were looking at him. Its’ talons stretched forth reaching, grasping, clawing their way towards him.

Realization dawned on Adam all at once.

“NOOOOO!” Adam yelled “JESUS!” It was a plea.

Suddenly, Adam was awake and in his body. Pain filled every part of his body, but he was never so happy, never so relived to be alive in all his life.

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This article has been read 169 times
Member Comments
Member Date
C D Swanson 02/13/14
Oooh! Really eerie...So glad at the ending!
Sweet Jesus to the rescue once again.

Good job.

God bless~
Toni Hammer02/13/14
I wish I hadn't read this minutes before going to bed. Super creepy but I'm pretty sure you nailed the characters. Well done.
LaCretia Peters02/18/14
I love the gruesomeness of the evil spirits. It makes them seem so realistic and tangible. THe Bible teaches us that our enemies are not flesh and blood but powers and principalities. I loved it!! I also loved the demonstration of the simplicity of Salvation at the end. Amazing!!
Toni Babcock 02/18/14
You are officially now not to refer to yourself as a "beginner" writer. This story blew me away - it was awesome. Great setting the scene; great beginning, great middle, great climax, and great end; Just plain GREAT!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/20/14
Congratulations on ranking 4th in your level!! The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/20/14
I'm sorry I meant 6th. You still did an outstanding job!