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As a youngster, I was always confident and happy. If my mother took me to school, our cars were nice. My parents seen that their children kept pace with stylish clothes, toys and gimmicks that were current Father made sure that everything in our lives were operable. We had a nice tight ship to live in, no loose handles, bad fixtures or leaking faucets. When it comes to extra curricular we participated in many of them. Karate, model,.mini-bikes, camping and almost anything a kid would enjoy doing. Dad was always reading something. He was a stickler about our grammar. If you said “I don’t got” instead of “I don’t have” you would be reprimanded. He never liked slang words or nicknames. I had a friend that we called “Genie”, he asked him, “What is your actual name?” From that point on he was Eugene. My mother is a communicator. She tore down walls that even Dr. Martin Luther King would have had difficulty with. Like his was, hers to is a message of peace. Sometimes there would be a altercation between kids and she would mediate until it was resolved, sometimes I would be the kid in it. In our home, I never heard a curse word or complaints about jobs, money never appeared to be an issue. If I view things from a seasonal aspect, the first decade and a half of my life is summer.
As a teenager I became unhappy, and wasn’t sure about anything. Finding the right clique was difficult for me, really I never found it. The groups that I spent most of my time with, I regret. Its not that I hold anything against anyone. Most of my years from teenage to middle aged have been reckless. While they were happening I didn’t consider my activities to be ilicit. I had on rose colored glasses, and with those on you don’t realize how red your eyes are. I’ve dug holes without seeing that it has become a pit andI have no way to get out. There is no question in my mind that this season was fall.
Now I’m no longer digging holes, I’m filling holes. I realize, I can’t fix it alone, I need help . The holes weren’t dug overnight and they won’t be filled overnight. I’ll just throw a shovel of dirt back into the hole, every opportunity I get. Some things that I done make my soul moan. What I have to keep in my mind is to not look back. All my hope is ahead me. My emotions, finances, body and credibility have been beaten severely. If I had the job of judging myself, I would declare that you can stick the fork in me now, I’m done. I don’t have that job though, thank God. This is the winter of my life. What a minute that’s only three season, I got one more. Spring, a time of resurrection. Hallelujah!!! . .
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