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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Light at the End of the Tunnel (01/23/14)

TITLE: Miracles in the Making
By Robin Ocasio


It was early morning, when I saw the soldier approaching. Just one moved over the rocky terrain. Then another, and another appeared, until the entire hillside and beyond was peppered with their presence. Easily numbering 3,000, each man a seasoned warrior. In the distance the kings’ standard waved.

They were searching for us.

We did not want to be found.

Not a stranger to war, I still shuddered at the thought.

“Coo coooo chipetitie chirp” I sounded the alarm. Within seconds the answering call came. A slight rustling and Kiev, appeared at my side.

Silently, I made haste into the darkness of the cave, reaching the commander within moments. No sooner had I given report than his order was given.

As one, every man on high alert crept deeper, deeper into the cave. It was cold, dark. Oppressive! With the smallest of sounds echoing off the walls, I hardly dared to breathe.

So far back now, the opening appeared only as a small light at the end of the tunnel.

We waited.

And waited!

No one wanted to die.

Oh, Lord God Almighty!

You could almost feel a collected silent gasp.

Standing in the light was the King himself.

I could hardly believe my eyes.

The king of Israel was entering the cave.

Alone, no less

Would we be discovered?

Oh… Yuck!

Is he actually doing what I think he is?

I wondered if the mighty King could feel our eyes trained on him at this moment.

Evidently not, for now he appeared to be settling in.

The commander was right next to me; I hardly dared, but managed to speak anyway. “This is the day of which the Lord said to you, “Behold, I will deliver your enemy into your hand that you may do to him as it seems good to you.’”

Others urged him on as well.

I don’t know how the king could not hear us or at least feel our presence. The tension felt like a living thing.

Then someone was moving forward in the darkness. It was the commander.

The end would be here soon.

Or the beginning of things promised and fought long for.

In what seemed like an eternity, the commander was back.

All he held in his hand was a measly scrap of cloth.

He hadn’t done it!.

God had given the king into his hand and David had not followed through.

What kind of commander is he? Have I been ready to give my life for a fool?


Action! This requires action or we will all die.

Making to move forward, I was stopped in my tracks by David’s words. Spoken in the quietest of voices, yet they resounded like the shofar, ringing in my ears.

“The Lord forbid that I should do this to my master. The Lords anointed, to put my hand out against him, when he is the anointed of the Lord.”

Thus we waited. Wondering what would come next. How long before that missing scrap of cloth would be noticed? Would there be time to escape?

I must have slept. Scuffling feet woke me. It was David following the king out of the cave.

I wanted to yell, “STOP. He will hear you. We will all be trapped!”

I couldn’t believe my ears; He’s calling out to the king.

We’re doomed I thought, grabbing the hilt of my sword. We’re dead!

What are you saying? Don’t tell him we wanted to kill him. Are you mad? Put that freaking cloth down!

To my utter astonishment, David bowed low, spoke humbly and when he finished speaking, Saul was, well, Saul was weeping. Truthfully, I wanted to as well.

Think of it, the king of Israel who had us outnumbered, cornered and finally at his mercy broke down and cried like a child, in front of God, and two armies poised for battle. Declaring, “You are more righteous than I, for you have rewarded me with good, whereas I have rewarded you with evil. And now I know indeed that you shall surely be king, and that the kingdom of Israel shall be established in your hand.”

Peace was made; bloodshed averted. It was a day of miracles.

Yet one question continues; echoing through time.

“If a man finds his enemy, will he let him go away unharmed?”

Perhaps, just maybe, the answer is the seed of miracles in the making.

1 Samuel 24 Amplified; NKJV

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Member Comments
Member Date
C D Swanson 01/31/14
Great job with your retelling of this biblical story. I enjoyed it, and it was really well written!

God bless~
Toni Babcock 02/01/14
Hey - you write like a pro! Good use of internal dialogue and building tension within the setting of the cave. One suggestion I would make is to not use modern colloquialisms such as yuk, ugh, or freaking in the context of this biblical account. Your writing is so good it truly transported me into the time frame of the reign of Kings in Israel - whereas I found the use of modern words detracted from the authentic feel of the story, and not needed to make your story writing exemplary. Keep writing! You're natural ability is tremendous and God wants to use your writing in a great way.
Sheldon Bass 02/04/14
Why are you submitting in the beginners level? Obviously you are no novice. This is a wonderful piece. Well written with great content and message. What a delight to find this entry here!

Keep it coming we want more.
Larry Whittington02/05/14
I like the reliving and retelling of this story by one who experienced it.

It seemed accurate to the story and the setting.

It brought the drama to life.