The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/31/14
Oh I really liked this story. Well told and well said.

God bless~
01/31/14
Good story for young readers. Watch tense as in the line, 'They grew up in the same neighborhood and attend the same church for the last five years.' (the word attend should be attended to keep it past tense as is the rest of the story. Incorporating the use of all five senses in a story (smell, sound, touch, taste as well as sight)is good writing practice and makes the story compelling. Keep writing.
02/03/14
You have a great imagination and are becoming a good writer. I've found my writing is a bit like my relationship with the Lord. I must keep on growing and learning. I never actually "arrive" to where I don't need to grow anymore. And I hope you'll keep growing with us. Keep submitting entries!
A natural combination: boys, fishing and exploring a tunnel.

It might have been more realist in todays time to have the boys been chased away from their fishing spot by some older mean bullies.

The same ending could have been used because the kids had not come home when they were supposed to.

See what you might be able to do with the same characters except using the "bullies".

Other people's writings can always give me good ideas.