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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Light at the End of the Tunnel (01/23/14)

TITLE: Heaven Sent Rescue Team
By Maria Lee
01/28/14


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Heaven Sent Rescue Team


George, Jerry and Allan made a sudden halt at the mouth of the tunnel. Their lives were at stake whether inside the tunnel, because of the unknown possible danger, or outside, knowing what the robbers could do to them.

The boys’ friendship had developed through the relationships among their families. They grew up in the same neighborhood and attend the same church for the last five years. George is 16, has a sister Alice, 13. Allen is 15, has a brother Jacob, 12, and Jerry is 15 and has a pet dog name Spice.

After church, the boys decided to go on a fishing trip at the nearby river. During their competition to see who would catch the first fish, they were suddenly interrupted by two masked intruders. “Hand over you money and everything you have!” shouted one of the men. The boys dropped their fishing lines and bolted frantically to escape from the robbers.

George, the oldest of the three, tends to be the leader and the big brother, led the way to find shelter. He saw a tall thick cluster of bushes and made a sharp right turn to hide behind it hoping to lose the robbers. They were on foreign territory and relied on instinct when Allan spotted an opening of what seems to be a tunnel and pointed to it vigorously to get their attention. He blurted quickly and quietly “Look over there!” They ran towards it, but made a sudden halt at the mouth of the tunnel. Their eyes popped wide open as they stared at the darkness within the tunnel. This was a decisive moment. It’s a place to hide; they bit their lips and apprehensively stepped into the unknown.

The metal tunnel was winding, dark, hollow and echoed. The good part was, it was dry, no cobwebs and not smelly. They had to venture beyond the first bend of the tunnel to conceal themselves from their enemies. They cautiously edged further in, but avoiding going too far inside the dark tube. The fear of the unknown possible danger was heavily on their minds, but they could not say anything because of the echo. The tunnel was around 4 feet high, so they had to crouch to fit their tall frames.

In spite of their surroundings, the boys were just contented to find a place of refuge to catch their breath, and to quietly rest.

While they huddled in their hiding place, they heard running feet approaching their direction. The robbers got to the mouth of the tunnel, looked inside, stepped back sharply, and with a gruff voice one said, “Nah, I don’t think the kids are brave enough to go into that spooky tunnel. They might have gone that way.” And they took off.

They boys waited a while to be sure the robbers were gone. In a soft tone, George prayed, first thanking God for a place to hide, and he asked God for help, to know which way to go, whether through the tunnel to the other end or exit the way they entered. George started to recite Psalm 23, Allan and Jerry joined in. They fumbled through the versed saying the words they could remember, and sat still for a while. A barking dog broke the silence. “What’s a dog doing out here and whose dog could that be?” piped Jerry. George abruptly hushed him up when they heard foot steps coming closer to them. Then a man’s voice bellowed, “Jerry, George, Allan, can you hear me”. The voice yelled their names again.

“Hey, it’s my dad and my dog Spice” Jerry said ecstatically. The boys crawled to exit the tunnel at the end they entered, and, at last, from utter darkness, at last, they can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Once their feet hit the ground, they charged out to meet their rescue team. It was an overwhelming reunion among Henry, the pet dog Spice, Jerry, George and Allan. There was hugging, shouting, jumping, laughing and crying, and more barking by Spice.

Before heading home, Henry took a moment, joined hands with the boys, give thanks and praise to God for taking care of them and for showing him and Spice where they were. On the way home, they all sang praises to God. They couldn’t wait to see their families to tell of the goodness of the Lord.


(Fiction)


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This article has been read 84 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD (Camille) Swanson 01/31/14
Oh I really liked this story. Well told and well said.

God bless~
Toni Babcock 01/31/14
Good story for young readers. Watch tense as in the line, 'They grew up in the same neighborhood and attend the same church for the last five years.' (the word attend should be attended to keep it past tense as is the rest of the story. Incorporating the use of all five senses in a story (smell, sound, touch, taste as well as sight)is good writing practice and makes the story compelling. Keep writing.
Sheldon Bass 02/03/14
You have a great imagination and are becoming a good writer. I've found my writing is a bit like my relationship with the Lord. I must keep on growing and learning. I never actually "arrive" to where I don't need to grow anymore. And I hope you'll keep growing with us. Keep submitting entries!
Larry Whittington02/05/14
A natural combination: boys, fishing and exploring a tunnel.

It might have been more realist in todays time to have the boys been chased away from their fishing spot by some older mean bullies.

The same ending could have been used because the kids had not come home when they were supposed to.

See what you might be able to do with the same characters except using the "bullies".

Other people's writings can always give me good ideas.