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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Endless (01/09/14)

TITLE: Time no more
By Phillip Cimei
01/11/14


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The two cups sat empty on the table next to the white haired man slouched comfortably in his rocker. His mouth agape with a whisper of contentment from the chocolate droplets at the corners of his mouth. One of the cups had streams of chocolate running down the sides. This must have belonged to the young boy lying as still as death prostrate on the sheepskin rug. The only sign of life in him was the rhythmic movement of his eyes in unison with the hand forged pendulum that pulsed life in that masterfully crafted grandfather's clock. Then it happened. Nothing! No movement, no tick tock, no bold announcement from the hand tooled gears releasing the anticipated marking of time with a resounding deep mellow chime. All that could be heard was the crackling of the fireplace and the gasp of air coming from the now horrified child.

“Grandpa, Grandpa, wake up, wake up. Time has stopped! Grandpa wake up.”

The old man shook his head a little, blinked his eyes several times and chuckled beneath his breath.

“What do you mean time has stopped,” said grandpa.

“The clock, that thing hanging down, it stopped,” said the boy.

The grandfather summoned the boy to a welcoming lap. When he was wrapped in the loving arms of his grandfather, the grandfather proceeded to tell him all about time.

“Time is like an announcement. It tells us when something is going to begin or has begun, when something is going to end or has ended. Like when your mother tells you it is time to get up, or time to eat. You will be starting the day or beginning your meal. When she tells you it is time to go to sleep, she is telling you your day is at an end.”

“Who made time, Grandpa?

“Do you remember what your Sunday school teacher taught you about the very first words of the Bible?”

“Yep, In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.”

“Very Good. God lives in a place that has no time. It is endless. No beginning. No ending. He took a sliver out of His eternity and called it time. He then created the heaven and earth at the beginning of time. He made man to enjoy all of his creation and to worship and love him. He knew man would need help so he made a plan where man could not only love Him, but would learn about his son, Jesus, and about the endless paradise Jesus came from. He promised man that someday they would be able to enjoy the wonderful glories of this kingdom. One day there will be “Time no more,” and God will snatch up those that love Him and His Son, and place them in this everlasting paradise.”

The young lad had listened with amazement and wonder. The grandfather lifted him and placed him back on the rug. The grandfather went to the clock, mindfully pulled on some chains that had weights on the bottom of them and lovingly put life back into that old clock by gently pushing the pendulum.

The boy stretched out, leaned his elbows on the rug and cradled his head into the cups of his hands. The old man wearily settled back into his rocking chair and basked in the wonderment that was glowing from the boy's face. The boy's eyes again followed the movement of the pendulum, but this time they were wider and had a piercing glare that made you think he understood what his grandfather told him about the finality of time and then you would glean a sense of quandary concerning what it meant to experience “endless.”

He turned to his grandpa and said, “Grandpa, ya know the times that I go walking though your woods by myself and spend the day out there.”

“Yes I do. You always come home full of laughter and joy.”

“Well, when I am out there it is as if there was no time. I am free, enjoying my paradise and never give time a thought. I am so excited with the wonders that surround me I never give it a thought if or when this joyful time will ever cease. Is that what endless is like.”

The grandfather gave him a big smile and said, “You might have just touched on what so many ignore, refuse to believe and reject.”

The end. Ooops! The endless.


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This article has been read 146 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sheldon Bass 01/16/14
Bravo! Excellent! Well written, nice, descriptive piece. My only suggestion is on the boy's words. He spoke in more adult terms at the end. Not sure if it sounded like a child anymore. Other than that I think this is a fabulous piece of work. PS--Why are you in the beginners section?
Lynda Schultz 01/16/14
Good lesson and a well-told story. I would suggest that you not use the topic of the week's challenge in the story—many do, but the judges tend not to like to see such an obvious reference.
Toni Babcock 01/16/14
Excellent writing for a "beginner" as you have appointed yourself! I love the intro to this story.
One thing I would suggest is always capitalize Grandpa, as the reader associates him with the boy throughout the story, and I would not refer to him anywhere in the story as "the grandpa". Just beginning the sentence in question with something like, 'Then Grandpa said..."
And also, the last line seems tacked on and could use some work. Overall, great story - we can see the potential you have!
Amelia Brown 01/18/14
This is a very lovely story with much description. I enjoyed it very much, and it's right on topic.
lynn gipson 01/18/14
This article does not belong in the beginner's level. It is excellently written with a comforting message. I loved the interaction between the grandfather and the boy. Very well done!
Lillian Rhoades 01/19/14
You're off to a great start! A little polish needed in grammar and style, but I loved your opening paragraphs, and how you weaved the narrative to fit the topic.

As mentioned, it's not necessary to add "the end" at the end :-) of the story.

Keep writing and reading!
karen loudermilk01/20/14
That was a great story, very captivating from beginning to end.I enjoyed reading it
Judith Gayle Smith01/20/14
Unbelievable that you classified yourself as a "beginner". That takes humility when you have such a powerful gift bestowed upon you by our Lord.

This was wonderful, endearing, enduring. A story I would be proud to share . . .
Dusty Fontaine 01/21/14
I really enjoyed this piece. There was a lot of information in it, yet the reader was unaware he/she was learning because of the interesting way in which you shared it through the Grandfather and grandson. Very nice.

I too, would leave the last line out, as it trivializes the piece a little.

I'm not sure why so many reviewers question the level we choose for these challenges, as we are merely following the rules and suggestions of the site. If we are not professional writers and haven't won a challenge in the Beginner's level -- we are beginners. But it is a nice compliment to be asked.
Michele Fleming 01/22/14
Nice story and very well written. I do, however, agree with previous comments on two points. I would have left off the last sentence. It takes away from the piece. Also, the last dialouge from the little boy seemed too "grown up" for him. Great job!