The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 412 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
01/09/14
Absolutely beautiful. Lovely, spot on descriptions. Very nice work.

I would suggest tightening a bit. The use of some unnecessary words would make it even stronger. For example:
"driveyway" rather than "perfectly flat driveway" I wasn't sure the significance of that unless you were making a comparison to the NC mountains?

That lovely fifth paragraph doesn't really need the first sentence. Rather something like "God painted and repainted the North Carolina sky with oranges, yellows and reds, as his unseen brush anticipated the reflections of the sinking fireball.

Several other places. Excellent writing. Enjoyed it very much:)
A very sentimental journey. Thanks for writing!
Smooth flowing descriptive story with emotional appeal.

Are you heading toward short stories?
01/09/14
As a Level 1 writer, you might not be aware of the free writing lessons available on the FaithWriters forums. This week’s lesson is on writing devotionals, and next week will cover writing on topic for the weekly challenge. Look for it at http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewforum.php?f=67, or if you’re on Facebook, you can “like” Faithwriters Writing Lessons. I’d love to have your input into the conversation there!
01/10/14
This was really a good story, I enjoyed it so much. I get lost in "words" and never see beyond that.

Well done.

God bless~
01/10/14
I love your entry. The story flow and culminate wonderfully. Your words drag me in the scenary & hold me there to the end. Nice. I also like that there is more than one component to your interpretation of "Days End."
01/10/14
I LOVED the words,"God does his best work at day’s end.” What a great line for the topic, and a sermon in the making. :-)

Your writing is on the right track. More "show" sentences like the following would help to polish this piece even more.

"It seemed God painted and repainted the sky with oranges, yellows and reds, as his unseen brush anticipated the reflections of the sinking fireball."

YOU "painted" a great picture here. Keep up the good work!
01/11/14
Gorgeous! So full of lovely details, and your words perfectly convey your affection for your grandmother.
01/12/14
Lovely sentimental piece. Thank you for sharing it! One of the biggest challenges in writing is to show the reader instead of tell the reader what's going on. It's tricky because sometimes when we are "showing" we are still "telling". For example in the paragraph where Dad's voice breaks into the silence in the car "showing" might sound something more like this: "Dad's voice sliced into my melancholic thoughts, forcing me back into the present. I watched him steer into Grandpa's driveway and park the car. The sun outside was slipping in its crimson hues behind mountain silhouettes along the horizon. We stepped out and gathered by the car, watching in silent awe."
What I am trying to communicate here is the value of drawing the reader more into the slice of life picture you are trying to paint. Your writing has tremendous potential. I learned a lot from taking correspondence lessons from The Institute of Children's literature. There are many tremendous classes online as well. I hope you continue to hone your skills as you continue to write for God's glory!
01/12/14
Wonderful and heart-warming piece. I'm wondering why you are in the beginners arena, because it seems you've been writing for a while. Nice descriptions.

I am very familiar with the drive from Florida to NC. Brough back some memories for me. Keep on submitting. I love your work.
01/14/14
Very much enjoyed this piece. It flows nicely and you paint vivid word pictures. I liked your sunset description and Pops shouting his love "without saying a word".

One spot that seemed a bit awkward to me was the first sentence of the last paragraph where you write about telling Pops about the trip, having a light dinner, etc. I don't know that those details are essential. You've already established the setting with the sunset and missing Grandma. Just my opinion, though. :)

Again, great job. You captured some very difficult emotions beautifully in this uplifting story.
01/14/14
This was very well written and very descriptive. I felt your emotion as I read through it. When I got to the end and saw that this story was fiction I thought for sure you were writing about your own life experience! Great job!
01/15/14
The beautiful setting with the mountains, sunset, cabin, and katydids was so easily to visualize. I wanted to be in North Carolina with them. This is very good. (I don't think you'll be in the Beginner level very long). Great work!
Heart meltingly lovely . . .