The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/21/13
Thanks for sharing your "adventures" in your entry that was on topic as I see it.

I enjoyed the read and loved the wrap-up with your important message.

NIcely done.

God bless~
10/21/13
I like the repeated title throughout this narrative poem. I had to laugh at the antics.

As a rhyming poem, it would flow better if each pair of lines had a matching number of syllables. I think this might be better as a story with one or two substories of your adventures.

Keep writing!
This is a fun take on the topic. You do a nice job with your rhymes. I cringed a few times at me instead of I and got instead of gotten, but realized those choices were important to the rhyme pattern. So I understand it. :) Be careful about overusing exclamation points, instead let your excellent selection of words do your exclaiming for you. You covered the topic in a totally different way. I really enjoyed it. Nice job.
This is a fun take on the topic. You do a nice job with your rhymes. I cringed a few times at me instead of I and got instead of gotten, but realized those choices were important to the rhyme pattern. So I understand it. :) Be careful about overusing exclamation points, instead let your excellent selection of words do your exclaiming for you. You covered the topic in a totally different way. I really enjoyed it. Nice job.
Congratulations on placing 6th in your level! (the highest rankings can be found on the message board)