It had been a few days since she found out his secret. She still didn’t know why she had even looked, but that day for some reason she decided to check the history on their computer. That moment her world crashed down around her. Sure he hadn’t actually had an affair; she kept trying to find comfort in that. She knew that there were women out there in the world who were fine with it; she just wasn’t one of those women. Sure other guys did that, but she thought that he wasn’t just some other guy. Maybe most of the problem was just finding out that the man she loved wasn’t anything that he proclaimed to be. It really didn’t matter why, she was still heartbroken. She felt betrayed and for some reason was incredibly ashamed. That didn’t make sense even to her. It was supposed to be his shame, not hers.
He was finally asleep, when the tears started coming. Silently at first but after a few moments she started to embrace the pain, and rolled slowly and gently out of the bed. She made her way into the bathroom, leaving the light off but locking the door behind herself before she climbed into the tub. She pulled her knees up to her chest and let her head fall onto them. It only took a moment for the tears to start again.
He watched on in silence. It was dark in the room, maybe she thought she could hide. He knew her thoughts, and knew that she wanted to be alone, but He also knew that what she needed most of all was Him. It hurt Him so to see His daughter this way, hurt and hiding, carrying pain and shame that wasn’t hers to bear.
She hadn’t been there long before the soft silent tears turned into the deep painful sobs she was quickly becoming used to. As was common for her, she started to talk out loud, between sobs, to herself or to God. It just felt better when she talked things out.
“Why?” she sobbed over and over.
“I treat him well, I’m not a model but I am at least somewhat pretty. What do they have that I don’t?”
“But he wants them. He doesn’t want you. You’ll never compare to them,” whispered an evil voice.
Usually she was strong enough to combat it, but not now. In the state she was in she took it as gospel truth and held it close.
“It’s true, I’ll never be enough. God why would you give me a husband who wasn’t attracted to me? What am I going to do?” The sobs started again.
“My daughter, you don’t have to be enough for him. If He will let me I can be enough for him. Oh my daughter you are beautiful, I made you in My image. Before you were born I knew you, in your mother’s womb I watched over you. My precious one, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. I have numbered the hairs on your head and have set ahead wonderful plans for your life. I have plans for you my little one: plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Come now child, rest in me. Let me hold you secure in my love. I know you are hurting now, just call for me. Let Daddy hold you, my beautiful child.”
She didn’t understand why, maybe it was the silent prayer in her heart, but the tears started to slow. She felt for a moment at peace, and almost as though someone else was in the room. She got out of the tub and tiptoed into the living room. Picking up her Bible she sat down on the couch. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for. It was just that she knew where she should have already turned with this problem. She opened her Bible and her gaze fell onto a scripture she had marked in the past, Isaiah 43:2 TLB. It read, “When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up- the flames will not consume you.”
With a great sigh her head fell back on the couch, “Just hold me Father, be with me, and keep me safe.”
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.