The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/17/13
I wish I could say I wrote this story... it is incredible!
My sins are just as bad as those who handed Jesus over to the Romans. (Acts 2:22-24)

Peter told them how to have their sins forgiven. See Acts 2:38-39.

I can't do any less than what they did to have my sin forgiven.
Words cannot come out of my mouth, i am speechless.
This is uplifting. May the Lord God increase you in your talent.
Through you He shall give hope to the hope less.
Good job!
10/21/13
Sometimes all it takes is a gentle touch and following the Holy Spirit's nudge to get a person to accept Jesus into their lives, as your entry so clearly illustrates in masterful style.

Beautifully done, and powerful story.

God bless~
I really enjoyed this story. It had all the great elements: conflict, suspense, great characters, and a good message.

Be careful about POV shifts. The reader can only know what the Mc (the man) knows, feels, sees, and thinks. When you slip into the nurse's thoughts that's considered a shift. You can show she patted his back, but knowing she did it from concern calls for knowing her mind, perhaps it was a nervous tick. I know I seems like a little thing, but can make a huge difference. It's something many writers struggle with.

The fact that I mentioned the shift shows what a great talent you have. You did an outstanding job of keeping the story going. Developing the characters really pulled me into the story. I enjoyed this thoroughly from beginning to end.
10/24/13
Congratulations! God bless~
Congratulations on placing 1st in your level and 16 overall! (the highest rankings can be found on the message board)
Sorry 15 overall!