The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
10/10/13
Nicely done, and certainly on topic. Good job.

Thank you. God bless~
This is an interesting devotion. I really like how you used a song that many people can relate to before transitioning to your Biblical message.

The one thing you may want to smooth out is e transitions. On the message boards there is a thread that talks on this and gives ways to transition smoothly. I'd urge you to check it out and participate, if you haven't already. It's called Jan's Writing Basics. Jan's great about responding to each person who posts on the thread too. Here is the link: http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=67&t=37269

Overall, though you did a really nice job. I like the message and the retelling of the Biblical stories. You did a nice job of writing on topic too. Keep it up!
Oops sorry for the typo. It was supposed to be the transition not e transition. For example between the first and second paragraphs, you might want to reinforce your last statement. Ex: Our society sees black sheep as something negative, but sometimes it can be a good thing.

You really do a nice job of demonstrating your point. It makes the reader stop and think which is always good. I think you did a nice job picking great scriptures to go with your message. Great job.
10/11/13
You presented some very nice points in your piece and shared a different perspective. However, I read the 1st paragraph and totally forgot about it while reading the 2nd and 3rd. Using good transitions will tie each paragraph together and makes the writing flow. I like the message delivered though, keep writing.
I am not a music person but the illustration of the family in the song was understood.

The message presented in the rest of the article well written and easy to follow.

Nice work.