Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Black Sheep of the Family (10/03/13)

TITLE: Bad, Bad Black Sheep
By Arlene Price
10/07/13


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Brambles was consumed with anger as he marched off into the night. He was fuming over the way his righteous family was trying to “help” him again.

He huffed up the beaten path thinking, “They don’t know anything! I don’t need them or the Shepherd! I’ve got friends who think I’m wonderful and fun to be around. Forget them all!”

His father had died at the mouths of hungry wolves when Bramble was very young. Brambles had a hard time dealing with the loss and turned bitter and resentful over the years. Everyone said that he was a lot like his father, always going his own way – the wrong way.

Just moments ago, his mom had said to him, “You’re looking for gold in a pile of manure!”

Brambles let out a big angry huff, “Well what did she know anyway? She was always at the Shepherd’s feet, always praising Him, and teaching others how to follow Him!”

He loved his mom, but she just didn’t understand his need for attention and how he just wanted to have a good time. “Oh, forget them all!” he said, as he trod along feeling sorry for himself - filled with overwhelming misery.

Suddenly, he heard the distant sound of thunder and few drops of rain tickled his nose. His scowl grew deeper. “Oh! Just great! All I need is a stupid storm!” he thought to himself.

The ground grew muddy under him and he lost his footing a couple of times, but he kept going down the path with determination. The thunder grew louder and more violent; the rain came down in torrents. Lightening struck a tall tree causing him to jump with fear. His heart began beating fast as he realized the storm was stronger than he first believed.

He thought of the Forbidden Pasture that lay on the other side of the hill. So many delights awaited him there! The thought gave him the courage to move steadily onward.

Before long, he came up on the most treacherous part of the path; it was steep, rocky and narrow. He always got a thrill out of this part of the path. He laughed with his friends and danced along the path recklessly and loved how they admire him for his bravery.

He briefly wondered where they were now. They were supposed to meet him tonight, but he hadn’t seen them and it was apparent they were not going to venture out into the storm.

“Oh well,” he thought, “maybe they had something more important to do.”

Brambles was half-way up the hill when he felt the ground tremble with thunder. Tiny rocks started rolling down the hillside hitting him as they bounced along. He tried not to think of the danger, but it was getting really scary and he was trembling. What if he died up here? Would anyone even care? His mom would care he thought grudgingly. She always cared, even if he was bad and not like the other precious sheep.

He was so deep in thought he didn’t notice a part of the path had washed away until he stepped out in mid-air. He felt himself falling in slow motion. Down, down, down…

His mom’s teaching popped into his mind, “Remember Brambles, if you ever find yourself in deep trouble, make sure you call out for the Shepherd. He will save you.”

With his very last breath, before hitting the bottom of the ravine, he yelled into the wind and rain “Save me Shepherd! Please! I am so sorry!”

He felt gentle hand reach out and grab him from death’s mighty grip. He looked up into the tender, loving eyes of the Shepherd. He felt the warmth spread through his entire body, he wasn’t afraid nor miserable anymore. His heart beat a steady rhythm of calmness – yet he felt exhilarated! As the Shepherd carried him back home, he slowly closed his eyes to rest.

Brambles awoke to a beautiful, sunny day. He heard the cheers of the other lambs as they all gathered around him to welcome him home. Wow! They were all so happy he had survived; their emotion took him by surprise. He greeted them with a true feelings of love and thankfulness.

Finally, Brambles looked around for his mother. He spotted her with the Shepherd and skipped happily to where they sat.

“Mom!” he yelled, “I finally have a real father!”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 90 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 10/10/13
Beautiful message and a wonderful entry. I really enjoyed it. Thank you.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/10/13
I love this story. It is an adorable analogy. I could easily see it as a picture book.

You may want to consider putting the thoughts in italics, then you wouldn't need taglines like he thought or he thought to himself which is slightly redundant since thinking is to yourself.

I really liked that you had Brambles figure out for himself that he was in trouble and needed to call out for help. The mother's constant reminding helped him, but when he was alone he knew to call out. The ending was great too. It left me with a warm happy feeling. Nice job.
Amelia Brown 10/11/13
Way to go! You took the topic "Black sheep of the family" and make it literally a sheep, Yet you manage to depict God as the true Sheppard who will always love and rescue us. I love it.
amparo esco10/13/13
This was so beautiful, I think it can cause tears. This is the kind of story that could lead other to a LOYAL father as well, I think I've glimpsed that confusing pasture and to be free is the amazing grace of a Saviour that reveals so much of his beauty when he shows up at those overwhelming times!!!
Larry Whittington10/13/13
I like the name "Brambles". Names can mean so much parents should be careful with the names given to their children.

Many times in life it takes a fall to the bottom before we call out for help. God wants to help when we seek his way.

Good story. (Save it and in 6 months go over it and rewrite it and see what it is like then.)
Pam Ford Davis 10/14/13
This would be a delight for children readers, complete with colorful illustrations to compliment your colorful narrative. Right on topic!

Wing His Words
Pam Ford Davis 10/17/13
High Five!
CD Swanson 10/21/13
Congratulations! God bless~