Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Exhale (08/15/13)

TITLE: "I can hold my breath longer"
By P. J. Baker
08/20/13


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

“Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” Gen:2v7 NIV


It was a blistering hot day. Ned and Charlie sat under the tree in Charlie’s front garden.

“I’m so hot I can’t breathe” said Charlie.

“Don’t be stupid, all living things breathe. That’s how you killed your spider – trapping it in a tank without air” said Ned.

“DID NOT!” Charlie shouted. “YOU’RE THE STUPID ONE!” He ran inside, slamming the door behind him. It was even hotter inside the house and the air was stifling.

Charlie ran upstairs to his room. “I didn’t kill my spider!” he said to himself. He picked up his Bible picture book and flicked over the cover. The picture showed God breathing upon Adam, and Adam coming alive with God’s spirit. All around them, watching, are the animals. He traced the flow of God’s breath with his finger.

Do plants breathe? How do fish breathe if they’re under water? he thought. He fetched a clean jar from the kitchen and asked Mom where a weed was. Then he put the jar upside down over the top of it. Nothing happened.


“Charlie, Saskia is here!” shouted Mom. Charlie took a deep breath. Saskia was a year older than him, but ten years wiser.

“Hi Charlie, I’ve so much to tell you! Did you know Ned’s cousin is my best friend’s neighbour? And do you’ll never guess what we saw yesterday…” Saskia chattered.

“Fancy a swim?” interrupted Charlie. They changed into their swimming costumes and jumped in. The water was cool, Charlie felt fully awake for the first time that day.

“And my teacher isn’t the one you had last year, it’s a new teacher from out of state who…” continued Saskia.

“I bet I can hold my breath longer than you” Charlie said.
“No way!” said Saskia.

They gulped air then dived under the surface. Saskia’s face became redder and redder, but Charlie’s head broke the surface first.

“I win!” said Saskia.

“Yeah! You’re like the best fish ever, holding your breath that long!” said Charlie.

“Fish don’t hold their breaths, stupid. They’ve got gills on the side of their faces” said Saskia.

“I’m not stupid! Make it best of three.” They again gulped air and dived under. This time Saskia broke first.

“OK, this is the decider. 1, 2, 3 go!” Again, they gulped and dived under. Charlie tried distracting her by pulling faces. When she turned away, Charlie jumped out of the pool and grabbed his towel. He ran to the front garden and sat under the tree.


“Charlie, come for snack!” shouted Mom. They all sat on the veranda eating homemade lemonade and grapes.

“I totally won. I can totally… (she popped a grape into her mouth) hold my breath for longer than…”

Saskia stopped mid-sentence. Her face became redder and redder.

“She’s choking!” shouted Charlie. He ran behind her and slapped her hard between the shoulder blades, once, twice, thrice, and…

… a whole grape flew out and splashed into Saskia’s mom’s glass of lemonade. Saskia coughed and spluttered and breathed in and out very quickly.

“Oh my darling!” cried Saskia’s mom holding her tight.

“Are you Ok? Here, drink some water” said Charlie’s mom. Soon Saskia was back to normal.

“That was so exciting! I’m going to tell Sharon and Rachel and Candice and Sarah and Bethany and Monica…” she chattered.


When Saskia and her mom left, Charlie felt so tired, he went to bed a whole hour early.

“How did you know what to do, when Saskia was choking?” asked his Mom as she tucked him up.

Charlie shrugged, “I didn’t think, I just did what felt right.”

Mom opened his Bible picture book. “You know, when God breathed into Adam, he gave him His spirit. That’s why we humans are more special than the animals. I think it was God’s spirit that helped you save Saskia today. His spirit is always in you to help you at all times.”

“Dear God” Charlie prayed. “Thank you for breathing your spirit into me. Thank you for helping me save Saskia today. Please help Saskia not talk when she’s eating grapes. Amen.”

“Amen” said Mom, smiling. “Goodnight Charlie.”

“Goodnight Mom.”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 155 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 08/22/13
Good job with the children's realistic dialogue--this is difficult to do, but your children didn't sound precocious or overly precious--just like real children.

I felt temporarily disoriented when the story took several different directions--the spider, the weed, the swimming, then the lemonade. I wonder if it would have been better to eliminate one or two of those in order to more fully develop the others.

An appropriate lesson, and a good use of the target word.
Judith Gayle Smith08/28/13
Most enjoyable and believable story . . .
CD (Camille) Swanson 08/29/13
Congrats! God Bless~