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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Exhale (08/15/13)

TITLE: Walking, my favorite passtime
By Betty Overstreet


There was a time that people didn’t think much about walking unless they had no car, had a car that wouldn’t run or needed to walk down to get the mail after they saw the mailman arrive down at the mail box ( it used to always be a man who delivered mail).
When my folks were raising us kids, you just didn’t hear all the talk about walking or running for health. I guess mom figured she got enough exercise running after us and daddy always had the kind of job that was physical so all he wanted to do when he got home was sit down and rest!
Well, along came the age of “you gota walk a bunch of miles a day” so my husband and I slipped into our Nike’s and joined the throng. One mile each day, then two miles, and, suddenly one day, we are walking along and I grab my chest and stumble a little. I start breathing hard and he said, “slow down, we aren’t in a race yet”.
I hesitated a little, then started breathing hard again, raised my hand to my chest, stopped and closed my eyes. My husband was so frightened he grabbed me, laid me down on a lawn and said, “Breath slowly in and then exhale.” I sneaked a glance with one eye, exhaled a little then started breathing hard again.
He lowered his head to try and give me mouth to mouth resuscitation and I grabbed him, kissed him real good, let him go and exhaled really big for emphasis. Then I said, “Honey, I shouldn’t have to go to such trouble to get a kiss from you.”
I noticed he was a little upset at me because he was holding his breath and looking a little angry. I smiled real sweet and said, “Honey bear, you need to relax and let that breath out-- you are turning blue. Oh, come on now, you can’t be angry just because I went to such extreme to get a kiss.”
He very good-naturedly held out a hand to help me up from the ground, gave me a little peck on the cheek and took off walking fast. I think we walked five miles that day!

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This article has been read 209 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 08/22/13
This was sweet and amusing; I enjoyed reading it.

A few things to note: Be careful of the difference between 'breath' and 'breathe,' and the spelling of the word 'pastime.' And if you manually put a space between paragraphs in the 'submit' box, your entry will be easier on readers' eyes.

I'd have loved to read more of this--it was so gentle and loving. You had more words to use, and this was a pleasant read.
C D Swanson 08/22/13
That was a cute story!
God bless~
Judith Gayle Smith08/28/13
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/30/13
This is a cute story. You did a nice job building the suspense. I noticed at times the dialog didn't feel totally natural. Take this line: “Breath slowly in and then exhale.”
I think if she said breathe in, she also would have said breathe out. Often people think they have to mention the topic word to be on topic, but you could have used breathe out and it still would be spot on topic. Some of the best stories never mention the topic, but if you take away the parts having to do with the topic word, if you have a story that doesn't make sense then you know you're on topic. Like in this piece, if one were to delete everything about breathing the story wouldn't make any sense, so you know you nailed the topic.
Congratulations for ranking 8th in your level! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.)