The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 215 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
08/22/13
YOu have some beautiful imagery here--'black onyx carnality,' for example, and several other phrases that are truly poetic.

There are several instances where you've used 'breath' instead of 'breathe,' and those interfered a bit with the flow of the poem. And--personal choice--I'd like to see less capitalization here. Since it's free verse and the lines are already shortened, it can read as 'choppy', and the readers' eyes tend to interpret a capital letter as the beginning of a new chunk of meaning. If you capitalized less often, the poem might be a bit smoother.

You're a gifted poet, and I love the parallel structure of your verses, and the opposition of what happens when we breathe in Christ or when we breathe in evil.
08/22/13
Beautiful imagery and powerful meanings burst forth in this lovely poem.

Thank you. God bless~
Wow. Powerful poem!
Wow. Powerful poem!