The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
YOu have some beautiful imagery here--'black onyx carnality,' for example, and several other phrases that are truly poetic.

There are several instances where you've used 'breath' instead of 'breathe,' and those interfered a bit with the flow of the poem. And--personal choice--I'd like to see less capitalization here. Since it's free verse and the lines are already shortened, it can read as 'choppy', and the readers' eyes tend to interpret a capital letter as the beginning of a new chunk of meaning. If you capitalized less often, the poem might be a bit smoother.

You're a gifted poet, and I love the parallel structure of your verses, and the opposition of what happens when we breathe in Christ or when we breathe in evil.
Beautiful imagery and powerful meanings burst forth in this lovely poem.

Thank you. God bless~
Wow. Powerful poem!
Wow. Powerful poem!