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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Exotic (08/08/13)

TITLE: God rules again
By Paul Brown


Our whole relationship was based around work. Get up, wash, have breakfast, kiss and leave. I hate to be the first to admit marriage was becoming a total bore, but it’s true! I had even racked my brain for ideas but nothing until I was driving home later than usual, back last Wednesday.
Turning on the radio, some choir sang ‘I will enter his gates.’ Although both of us knew our time together was nigh, I still believed the bond was there so un-expectantly I stopped at one of those special places so to speak and got Naomi some long and purple.
During our courtship I would leave her little gifts around the flat. Clean ones, not as exotic as this one but all the same tempting her to realising the message being signalled. Returning home with gift in hand, I opened the door to complete silence, rushing upstairs into the bedroom. Humphrey our Afghan hound spread out on the rug, looking sad but no sign of Naomi.
Humphrey beckoned me to follow him downstairs. He sat in front of the fridge
There was quite a big piece of chocolate gateaux in the fridge with a cherry on top. Under the plate was a folded note. Pinching the cherry I was to read;
‘Don’t come looking for me- Naomi!
Both of us have threatened leaving each other before now, but I never thought it would happen or be her to leave first. It was like the bond she had with God was overpowering the relationship we had but of course she disagreed.
In the beginning I was to understand her loyalty to our sovereign master, no sex before marriage like the good book says but even on our wedding night my only pleasure was studying the book of John. Agreeably she made it exotic by only wearing a flimsy white nighty and no underwear.
Watching my new bride read I admired her long strawberry blonde hair cascading over her shoulder just covering the top of her succulent breast. It wasn’t long before other thoughts ran through my head but the closer I sat beside her, the further she moved up the couch.
Her discussions surrounding verses in the chapters were educational and winded but on that un-magical night I saw that special bond slip away. Even my flirtatious attempts in bed were to go amiss.
During the last days of our honeymoon her shyness began to vanish but she treated me like her best friend. Sometimes I may as well not be in the room; as God and his word got more attention than me, during the concluding hours of the day.
I was to notice a pleasant change in our study as Naomi turned Saturdays into the most exotic day of the week dressing in the same attire as our Spanish honeymoon or in cotton, sometimes lace lingerie. Even I have to admit she made studying the bible more fun.
Apart from Sunday worship, we hardly went out. Most of our socialising came from fellowship within the corps. Our conversations were always based around God or the great book itself. Both of us had grown accustomed to each other’s freedom. That was how this whole palaver began.
I knew something wasn’t right when her lessons ceased. Ever since knowing her, God had been like an obsession to her. ‘There are signs everywhere,’ she would say frequently. ‘You just have to look for them.’
The happiness I felt being single again soon reduced me to days of not eating or sleeping. Tears washed my face day and night. I let her saying echo through my brain. It was then I focused my attention looking for signs, signs of her coming back, but that didn’t look remotely hopeful.
God gave us the relationship through prayer and I certainly wasn’t prepared to give up without a fight, but what surfaced was of the spiritual world. After cleansing the place of memories that haunted the most part of my life, tears of realisation became tears of relief. The phone rang, the voice lit up my heart as her words, ‘I’ll never leave you,’ rang through my brain.
That was all the cheer I needed to know that life given to me by his almighty had not ceased, but in her voice she also gave a hint of it being more exotic. Her final words had been ‘I shall return,’ with the spiritual evilness taken out from our comfy spaced flat, God rules again!

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This article has been read 117 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Larry Whittington08/15/13
I could not get a good sense of the time frame the story fits into. Did this all happen right after the honeymoon was over?

I may have missed the time signals.

To make your stories more readable, use two spaces between the paragraphs.

In a story like this, I would hope for a good ending.
Paul Brown08/16/13
This was/is based around memories of my marriage of 12 years.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/20/13
This is a compelling story. You show a lot of courage in sharing this piece with virtual strangers. I believe God will use this to touch many hearts.

I usually try not to read the comments before I comment, but I did see it this time. I think part of the reason the first person struggled a bit was because you switched the tense around, sometimes using past, then slipping into present or past perfect. Try to stay consistent with the tense. Instead of saying something like: I would discover, keep it in the simple past: I discovered.
The other thing that might would be to tighten up some of your sentences. In the second paragraph, you could do that by changing it to something like this: Although we both realized there were problems in our relationship, I had believed that our bond still existed. One night, I spontaneously decided to stop and buy Naomi some flowers.
(That may not be perfect, but I hope it shows you what I mean.)

I think you managed to write a compelling story. It has several great messages in it, and different people will take away different things depending on their own needs. That shows the Holy Spirit was working in you when you wrote it. It's not always easy to be obedient to God, but you did that in this piece. I like how you were able to see God's hand in this difficult time in your life. If we allow him to, God can do wonderful things during the bumpy part of life. If you'd like more feedback, go to the forums and check out the brick-throwing link. It's a great way to get more people to read and comment on your piece. Here is the link: http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=37360
Keep writing and reading other entries! :)