The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 207 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I don't have a breathing problem but I would hope that you are able to do the things that you have to do.

This is a statement of your breathing difficulties without going into a lot of details.

Get ready for the next word.
Short,but interesting. Inserting more detail, perhaps the location on the Gulf Coast and other tidbits would paint a picture for the reader, inviting her along on your trip. And adding white space between paragraphs would make for easier reading. Be sure to hit the preview button before submitting to catch and fix glitches. Looking forward to reading your next submission.
08/17/13
What an amazing message! I had no clue how powerful it would be when I began reading it. So short but direct. I found myself breathing in the humid air with you. Then to recognize your use of imagery to convey a parable was just ... awe inspiring. I found myself caught up in the story, so I am sorry I did not notice grammar or structural data.
08/19/13
Interesting read with superb imagery. Nicely done.

God bless~
This is a delightful testimony. You did a nice job of tackling the topic in a fresh way.You also made some great points in this short, but sweet piece.

I wish you had gone into more detail, though. I could visualize some of your statements. Here is an example of one way you could expand your story: Gasping for breath, my heart pounds as the steam from the shower makes its way into my crackling lungs.
Many writers struggle with the show don't tell concept. The more you write and read other entries, though, the easier it becomes to balance showing and telling.

I enjoyed your message. We don't need to travel to a faraway island to bask in God's glory. It's all around us whether we live on an island, on the Gulf coast, or in the middle of rural New York. You did a nice job and I look forward to reading more of your work! :)