The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 228 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
A nice rendition of the story.

You put a lot of explaining into it.

It flows nicely.
An interesting take on a familiar story. In the first paragraph,you wrote "...nor, is she vein." I think you meant "vain." Vein in a blood vessel. They are similar sounding words with different meanings. Thank you for sharing this.
08/17/13
This is beautifully explained. I was surprised to see it in the beginner category. Maybe you should consider moving up?
08/19/13
You write beautifully...This was poetic in description and high on meaning. Nicely done.

God bless~
You did a lovely job of bringing this character to life. I could feel her emotions and visualize her. I like how you included dialog to bring more depth to the character.

I think there were spots were you could have used even more dialog to help with the showing. For example:
The prince reassures her.
could become: The prince holds her close. "You're as beautiful as the Pharaoh's mare."

Also you had a few sentences that I stumbled with like this one: She fears he is gone and his abandonment.
You could fix it like this: She fears he has abandoned her.

Overall, though, I think you did a wonderful job. You handled the topic in an interesting and out-of-the-box manner. I like the idea of showcasing this chapter of the Bible. (Make sure you reference exactly which section it is)Your ending was powerful and contained a vital message for women and girls. It's interesting that some things are still the same. Maybe someday, women won't have body-image problems--for sure in Heaven. :) Nicely done.
08/22/13
Congrats! God bless~