The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/08/13
You've crafted a powerful message in this piece. So many folks have times of feeling that their lives just don't matter. You've let us know through your article that the truth is that God has a plan for every life, which makes each one matter, indeed. My only suggestion would be in the transition. At first I thought your MC was the same age throughout, but the MC would not have been sixteen and have suffered the loss of a child and divorce.
You put a lot of thought into this and I would encourage you to keep writing.
08/08/13
You've told a powerful story, with the topic spot on. I very rarely read others comments, but I agree with Dannie about the MC's transition in age. Other than that, your story had a strong message, and ending.

Good job. I look forward to reading your next entry.

God bless
08/11/13
This is really good for a first attempt at submitting an entry. There's a powerful message coming across loud and clear. I also was confused about your MC's age, but apart from that and just a couple of tiny typo's - and we all do them - I think this is a splendid effort. Well done.
Powerful, gripping and haunting. I empathize with the emotions here. I agree with all your other comments and encourage you to keep writing. You have a lot bursting within you, seeking a safe and trustworthy outlet. You have it here at Faithwriters. Great entry . . .
Wow this is a powerful story. My heart did double time quite a bit. I could totally relate to the MC and the pain was palpable.

The transition to the grandfather dying to contemplating suicide was a bit rough. I think you were trying to hard to be on topic, but you didn't need to be. Next time, you might want to focus on just one event. Like in this case, you could have delved further into how you felt hearing those words and being responsible for the other kids.

The suicide message is the more urgent one in my mind though. I would have started with sitting on the bed and contemplating suicide. That would pull the reader right in. The story could be about hope having an expiration date.

These are just thoughts that might help you with the next piece. They are only my opinion though. Plus you do so many things right. This is well -written with a clear conflict. The fact that you're willing to tackle such a difficult topic in hopes of helping others speaks volumes.

I've been on that bed with a bottle of pills in my hand. God has used those times to help others. I always found it ironic that I have been suicidal while simultaneously having a horrific death phobia. I see it as a way of God protecting me. I have no doubt that your words will make a huge difference in someone's life. You're very courageous and I look forward to reading more of your work.