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Beautiful is a State of Mind
Suddenly, our home erupts into cascades of emotional violent outbursts, cries of gut-wrenching anger. As we (husband and I) are startled and shaken, once again the evening evolves into a night of containment and frustration. We are told to restrain our fifteen year old son and hold him until the thrashing, screaming, kicking and head-butting subside.
We walk through a living hell each day, as the mental illness dominates the mind of our son. Diagnosis is Tourette syndrome, Oppositional Compulsive disorder, Bi-Polar, Oppositional defiant disorder, sensory, anxiety and social phobia issues.
Kneeling beside my bed Ryan says, “Mom, it’s getting very dark inside me, the lights are going out, I can hardly pray anymore.” Tears dripping over my cheeks, my heart aches painfully for our son, I rebuke any darkness and claim victory in the name of Jesus as I plead the blood of Jesus Christ over him.
More emotionally disabling symptoms evolve neurologically within our son’s mind on a daily basis; as he attempts to fights back, every once and awhile we catch a glimpse of the real boy God blessed us with. New obstacles present themselves daily, as energy evaporates constantly from our beings. Feeling limp with exhaustion, holding onto our faith, we believe there is a purpose on earth for Ryan.
Waiting anxiously for the neurological/biologically based clinic to take our son, the test results will be worth the wait. Heart wrenching as it is, love prevails and precious memories are kept under lock and key in our hearts, to reflect on our adopted little boy before he was five years old, and was simply adorable. We will continue to hold our beautiful child in our hearts and be thankful we were able to be part of his life.
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