The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/15/13
This is really quite lovely. Your descriptions and metaphors touch my heart and speak volumes. The epiphany of the MC is a powerful one and your words are arranged in a beautiful, almost poetic way.

The only thing I might say you missed just a tad would be writing on the topic. Many people struggle with that. A good way to judge if it is on topic would be to remove the topic words or sentences. If you're on topic, then the whole story wouldn't make sense since it would depend on the word hum. Though your last line is lovely, if you removed it, you would still have a brilliant story that has a strong message. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it well enough, but you have to do more than use the topic word. I've seen many winners nail the topic without ever mentioning the word one time.

Out of the criteria the judges use though, only one is about writing on topic. You did a delightful job of having a strong beginning. It drew me right in and I could feel the conflict unravel. You also have a fantastic message. While this story is quite pretty to read, the depth of it is outstanding. I believe the Holy Spirit will use these words to touch people in ways you may never imagine. And when all is said and done, that is far more important than being spot on topic. You have a wonderful gift and I have no doubt that God will continue to inspire you so he can work on countless hearts.
06/18/13
I like how the pace and tone change from anger to peace by the end of the article. Well done!