The Official Writing Challenge
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And God has used your poem to show others a glimpse of Heaven! This was well done. It took me a few lines to find the rhythm, but then I was hooked. Great work!
11/17/05
I love how you used the little snippets of everyday life to point us towards heaven. I would suggest putting an extra space between each little picture for ease of readability. Great job!
11/17/05
I agree with Anita- a space or two would make for easier reading and ease of rhythm. But, all that aside, I appreciate this poem. It reminded me of the beauty that is around us everyday if we just open our eyes and allow God to show it to us. I watched the red, orange, and yellow leaves falling off the trees yesterday and was amazed by the beauty of God's creation. I didn't want to go inside! Thanks for sharing:)
11/19/05
Stanzas are like paragraphs. This poem had need of breaks. The beat was not always consistant, but the message and comparative thoughts were clear. With a little work this piece would do well.
What a beautiful concept to build a poem on! Very good idea...glimpses of Heaven.
11/20/05
I'm with Karen: 'So often we miss the touch and effect of Heaven in our daily lives.' Thanks for reminding us to look and see heaven in the everyday.
This is great. The pictures you painted are lovely...beautiful. I like it so much that I'm going to suggest a couple of little things. There is a stanza toward the end where you break form describing the ocean. It disrupted your lovely rhythm. Also in the very last line when you say God showed you a beautiful glimpse of Heaven, I think it would be better if you left the word beautiful out. It is clearly beautiful! :)