The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/09/13
Great devotional. I liked the way you approached the topic and presented your message without sounding too preachy, which is difficult to do in such a small space. Good job!

I felt sorry for the poor rabbit, but I liked the detail and touch of reality that it gave this. Your ending had the most impact, to think of it in terms that Jesus took our "thumping" for us. That was very original. Nicely done. Thanks for sharing.
This is a nice devotion. I like how you started with a true story that people can relate to.

I did notice,especially in the opener, that a few well-placed commas would help the flow. Also this line:“That is quite odd,” was the thought I conveyed to my family.
feels a touch awkward. You could just say I said. Or even better something like: Looking in the rear view mirror, I noticed the furrowed brow on my kids' faces.
That way it shows who is speaking while painting a picture for the reader.

Your message is a great one. Your Bible verse is a perfect fit. It really makes me stop and think. You did a great job of covering the topic in a couple of different ways. It is quite clever and really sends the message home.
06/11/13
Beautiful analogy in this devotional piece. Well-done.
God bless~
06/13/13
Congratulations on a very well deserved 1st place win!
Congratulations on ranking 1 in your level and 11 overall. (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards)
Congratulations - a very worthy winner. I loved this piece, especially the final paragraph! a lovely devotional.