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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Thump (05/30/13)

TITLE: Such a Big Heart
By Deborah Sampson
06/05/13


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“Let’s get out of here.” Carman pulled on her brother’s sleeve. “This old house gives me the chills. Oh my, there is goes again, that thump, someone’s got to be in here besides us!”

“Calm down, Carman, nothing is going to happen to us, I want to look around some more. We climbed that steep hill to search out the place.” Jackson patted her arm. “Come on sis, don’t be such a wimp.”

Carman didn’t usually get so nervous about anything. They had come up here to see if they purchased it, they could turn the place into a nice eating establishment.

The brother and sister had done just that a few times and now in their early thirties had decided to venture out once again. Money was no object now; they were searching for just that wow factor as to entice the people to come.

Going up the beautiful staircase which felt solid and firm they reached the top of the second floor which had five rooms and five baths and one master room and bath. The thump was heard again. It was an eerie sound. It still did not bother Jackson.

The third floor almost had the same layout as the second floor but with six bedrooms and the bathrooms between them. To their surprise all rooms appeared to be in excellent condition.

“I’ve got it Carman!” This would make not only a great location for a dining establishment but what about a bed and breakfast too.”

Before Carman could answer Jackson, the thump echoed on the third floor.

I thought so to Jackson, but wherever is that sound coming from?”

Jackson winked at her, “Ah sis, just remember we are the children of the Most High and our God would not let anything happen to us.”

“Smarty pants, Okay, Pastor Jackson, preach to me some more.” She smiled back at him.

Her brother had been a Pastor for six years now in their hometown. He just recently married his childhood sweetheart. He was right, this would make a great investment, and maybe she would even run the bed and breakfast.

“Carman. Maybe you would like to run this place when we are done?”

“Jackson I was just thinking that. Great minds work alike.”

Six months later the finishing touches were made. The Old house was beautiful; they had kept everything like it was, and most of the rooms just needed painting or new wall paper, new faucets in the bathrooms. All rooms had a compete scrubbing. But throughout all the innovations no one could find where the thumping came from.

The downstairs was turned into a huge dining room and a state-of the art kitchen.
They were thankful that they had found good help and soon a staff was formed to take care of each facet of the place.

Advertising about the place paid off and they had every room was booked for opening day in two days.

Carmen walked the place once again with her brother. The thumping sound became more often and seemed to follow them from place to place in the house.

Carmen noticed that is was not an eerie sound as she first thought but this thumping had a soothing sound to it, one of peace and joy and much love. It sounded a little crazy but they both felt it. As they were locking the door to the establishment now, the thumping sound became softer and soon appeared to stop.

“Jackson, do you suppose that-that just maybe we had a visit from God while we renovated this old house?”

“Carman, it’s very possible that He was here with us, for remember we asked Him to oversee this place, maybe He wanted us to know He was here. No one else seemed to hear it liked we did. And-and just now I really felt His presence, sis.”

“I did too, ah Jackson, I think it was the thumping of God’s heart, after all He has a pretty big one, don’t you think?”

The two just smiled at one another as they headed to the parking area.

Jackson got into his awaiting car driven by his wife; Natty was pregnant and was due in October.

Carmen’s fiancé was here to pick her up also. A wedding date was set for the twenty-fourth of December at the inn, which they both agreed to call ‘Heaven’s Delight.’

They all waved as they drove away.


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This article has been read 93 times
Member Comments
Member Date
lynn gipson 06/07/13
Very well written and a great read. I enjoyed this. Good Job!
Sara Harricharan 06/09/13
What a fun little piece! I kind of liked Carman and I wanted to know more about her. It felt like this was just a short glimpse of a bigger story.

I was expecting more of a mystery with the thumps in the house, rather than the way it turned out, as it seemed like it was more physical in the beginning. Could just be me though.

Fun characters. I liked the idea of a bed and breakfast. Thanks for sharing!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/10/13
This is a sweet arithmetic. I liked how you introduced the conflict right away. It pulled me into the story and made me want to keep reading.

I noticed I stumbled over a few lines and had to reread them. A good thing to do is to have someone read it aloud and if they stumble, you may want to consider restructuring the line. For example I had to read this several times: They had come up here to see if they purchased it, they could turn the place into a nice eating establishment.
But if you switch it up to something like this, for me at least, it might flow better this way: They had come up here to see if they could turn the place into a nice eating establishment if they purchased it.
It's a tiny thing, but it might make the difference in the flow of the story.

You have a knack for building the suspense and your ending totally took me by surprise which is a great thing. I so liked your message too. It left me with a smile and a warm fuzzy feeling. Nicely done.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/10/13
Suggestion that stupid spell changer. I meant story, not arithmetic and thought I fixed it but it changed it again.
CD Swanson 06/11/13
Suspenseful and filled with lots of fun! Thanks for this gem.

God bless~