The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/07/13
Very well written and a great read. I enjoyed this. Good Job!
06/09/13
What a fun little piece! I kind of liked Carman and I wanted to know more about her. It felt like this was just a short glimpse of a bigger story.

I was expecting more of a mystery with the thumps in the house, rather than the way it turned out, as it seemed like it was more physical in the beginning. Could just be me though.

Fun characters. I liked the idea of a bed and breakfast. Thanks for sharing!
This is a sweet arithmetic. I liked how you introduced the conflict right away. It pulled me into the story and made me want to keep reading.

I noticed I stumbled over a few lines and had to reread them. A good thing to do is to have someone read it aloud and if they stumble, you may want to consider restructuring the line. For example I had to read this several times: They had come up here to see if they purchased it, they could turn the place into a nice eating establishment.
But if you switch it up to something like this, for me at least, it might flow better this way: They had come up here to see if they could turn the place into a nice eating establishment if they purchased it.
It's a tiny thing, but it might make the difference in the flow of the story.

You have a knack for building the suspense and your ending totally took me by surprise which is a great thing. I so liked your message too. It left me with a smile and a warm fuzzy feeling. Nicely done.
Suggestion that stupid spell changer. I meant story, not arithmetic and thought I fixed it but it changed it again.
06/11/13
Suspenseful and filled with lots of fun! Thanks for this gem.

God bless~