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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Thump (05/30/13)

TITLE: I have been thumped
By C. Roxanna Tineo
06/05/13


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I have been thumped, so thumped by life
I am knocked out, I donít know why
Feels like it follows me everywhere
It comes and hits me once again.

Iím asking why, Iím on my knees
and I could cry a sea of tears
It feels so hard, Iíve lost my breath
Oh Lord, please help me have more faith.

And yes, I know it sounds so sad
Will I get up, get my strength back?
All is clouded up in my head
My zest for life, no longer there.

Just came to me, not expecting it
Who is to blame? The pain...so real
I turn to see who gave the blow
There is no one there...thump, thump, thump.

Thump! So raw and cold, a dulling pound
I canít run or hide, itís got me down
Itís piercing, hurtful, and nothing kind
Has changed the beatings of my proud heart.

I need your love
Please! Save me now
This pain is deep
Iím losing ground.


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This article has been read 82 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/09/13
Wow you write with such honesty that I can feel the pain oozing off the page. The cry for help is tangible and just what God was waiting for before he scoops the MC in his arms. Beautiful!
Sara Harricharan 06/09/13
What a creative twist on the topic. I did not see that coming the way it did. You have some wonderful, raw emotion packed into so few words.

The opening verse was my favorite, just for the line with being thumped by life. It was fresh and original. I did like how the verses became smaller and shorter as I read to the end, it really helped to drive the impact home. Great job!

I kind of wish it had a different title, only because it felt like it didn't do such a wonderful piece justice. :) But I know titles are tricky. Thanks for sharing this!
CD Swanson 06/11/13
The pain in the MC was palpable. The ending with Jesus saving her, priceless and so true.

God bless you~