The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/07/13
Well written story with a great ending. I am assuming the final thump meant she went to her knees. You have a lot of potential...keep writing.
I really enjoyed this piece. It packs quite a punch and I can't imagine reading it without truly examining my own heart. It is an intimate decision and one many wrestle with--Do I follow the crowd or God's nudging? The only red ink I have is your opening line has two passive verbs (was) that if switched to active might give the reader a visual picture right away. For example: Brenda attended church faithfully, and today she squeezed into the pew as her mind reeled from recent events.
That is just an example to show you what I mean. Later you do an excellent job of showing, but with the frenetic pace today, you have to grab the reader immediately. I love the way you shared the internal struggle of the MC. This is a brilliant and creative take on the topic. You've done a grand job with this piece.
06/11/13
I found this very interesting and a clever way of approaching the topic. Nicely done.

God bless~
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