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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Thump (05/30/13)

TITLE: Just one more thump
By carl lynn


Just one more thump

Thump, Joe Stafford was somewhere but just not sure where, all he knew for sure was that wherever he was that noise was there too.

Thump, there that was it! There was one other thing that Joe was aware of, every time he heard the noise, he also felt the pain.

Thump, again only this time both the sound and the ache he had been feeling seemed farther away, like either he or they were moving apart.

Thump, ahhh! This time was even better both of his unwanted companions were drifting away like a ship or boat with no anchor.

Thump, again better still, a few more repeats and he would be free, Joe almost cried out away, away leave me and never return.

Thump, once he had dreaded these two tormenting twins, but now he was beginning to welcome them soon they would be gone.

Thump, yes, yes oh yes Joe wanted to shout, but something was wrong as he tried to open his mouth to expel the words his lips seem sealed.

Thump, wait something’s wrong something is not right Joe now realizes he has no control of his body his hands and feet will not move as he directs.

Thump, Joe tries to wiggle his toes but they fail to respond, perhaps if he just manipulates one finger on one hand but again it refuses.

Thump, this time along with the distant noise and ever weakling pain there is an added feeling not in his body as the other two but on his chest.

Thump, the two unwelcome guests are nearly gone but they have been replaced with a cold metal feel on the skin above his heart and lungs.

Thump, ouch! The sound was there but again it was frozen deep down inside him, Joe had felt a new pain, this one was sharp and in his arm.

Thump, the sound was so weak that Joe could hardly hear it any longer and the original hurting was almost nonexistent but he was beginning to feel cold and clammy.

Thump, Joe waited but both the noise and pain seemed to disappear but wait he now heard something new a voice a man talking in a loud excited tone.

Thump, something was being placed over his nose and mouth a rush of cool damp pure air running into his nasal passages Joe tried to inhale with his lungs but the organs failed to respond.

Thump, again that same voice saying something about hurry we are losing him then a pushing feeling on his chest down and up down and up again and again over and over.

Thump, now he remembered he had been out with some friends drinking they had come across a young preacher telling how that someday we must all stand before God.

Thump, instead of heeding the youthful lad as he told of Gods grace and love in sending His Son Jesus to die on the cross for them, instead they mocked and laughed at him.

Thump, then without warning Joe had felt a pain in his chest he could not draw air into his body the pain became so intense he crumbled to the ground and passed out.

Thump, the next thing he could recall was that thumping sound and the pain in his chest he had not understood that as the noise and pain seemed to disappear it meant his soon appearing before God!

Thump, Joe now knew where he was in an ambulance headed for an emergency room at the nearest hospital he wondered if he had waited too long would there be just one more thump of his heart one last chance to ask Christ to forgive him Thump, Thump, Thump________________________________________________?

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Member Comments
Member Date
lynn gipson 06/07/13
Very interesting take on the topic. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing your unique style of writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/08/13
You do a great job of pulling the reader in right away with the instant conflict. Be careful of run-on sentences. Just by adding a comma or semi-colon can really help the flow. I really enjoyed the open ending in this powerful piece. So many people think we have all kinds of time, but the truth is we never know when we may hear that last thump. Good job.
C D Swanson 06/09/13
Interesting take on the topic. It was sobering and certainly not unrealistic in its content, something that I'm sure many think about, if not discuss with their family and friends, the "final day" of which all will face before being called home.

Great job. God bless~
Genia Gilbert06/10/13
This is drama that makes a great point in the end. Since my husband is a heart patient, I recognized some of the symptoms, and related to it. This thump could indeed be someone's last, and is a good warning to trust in Jesus while there is time. Good job.
lynn gipson 06/13/13
Congratulations on your placing in the Challenge! I loved this story....

Blessings, Lynn