The Official Writing Challenge
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06/01/13
Wow..you had me from beginning to end, and on the edge of my seat! I could feel and sense every emotion.

Fantastic story and great job!
06/01/13
This was so good! It read like a novel and kept me wanting to know more and more. Excellent job!

God Bless~
Wow, you have an amazing suspense story here. I found myself holding my breath as the police entered the house. The description of the blood splattering was a vivid description (some may say too vivid, but I like it because it makes the story real)

I did notice some tiny things like missing punctuation (a period at the end of a dialog)missing capitals at the start of some dialog and on words like Daddy when used as a name. Also the very last sentence is an incomplete one. If you had connected to the prior one like this; Knowing that their loved ones were being hauled off caused the little ones to whine and cry. These are just little things that a good proofreader could help you catch.

Overall, I think you did a fantastic job. Your story took me back to the horror stories about the Holocaust. You really have a way with showing the readers and taking them on the journey right along with your characters. Great job.
I trembled in the attic with your main characters. Having Jewish roots, I initially thought of the Pogroms, but I feel the additional trauma of not just one people attacked, but all who strive for Godly perfection versus Satan's emissaries. You are right - the battle is raging . . .
06/02/13
I love this story. I mean, I don't love what happened, but I love the story itself. :)

I did notice one POV shift. You have us upstairs in the attic, but then the blood is dripping down, and you switch to the officer's POV. This could be easily solved by a break/divider like you had at the beginning.

I want to know what happened to Margo and Suzie, though! I can see this expanded into a novel.
06/04/13
You captivated me right away and held my attention throughout. It brought memories to me of the stories of those who feared for their lives during the Holocaust. I also would like to know what happend to Margo and Suzie. Maybe a novel in the making?
06/06/13
Congrats! God bless~
06/06/13
Congratulations on another Highly Commended, Holly. Well done!