The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/10/13
Well, I suppose Sizzle is described if not stated, unless I missed it. Interesting interpretation of the Bible. A word of note: Biblical citations need Book, chapter, verse; as well as version. I like what and how you write, keep at it.
05/10/13
I always love entries with Biblical references, and accounts. This was very good and I particularly like your easy flow and style of writing. Nice job.

God bless~
I think you did a delightful job with this story. I could easily picture Jesus sitting there on the boat with his disciples. The only thing I might change would be the line where you switch from third person to second person. Can we imagine... is speaking directly to the reader and interrupted the musings of Jesus. Many people told this Old Testament story, but by telling it through Jesus' POV put a fresh spin on it. I think you did a great job of writing on topic.
I don't read other Comments before I comment. I want to clarify that you do not need the topic word to be in your story. Some of the best stories never mention the topic word. I think you were on topic and didn't need to use the word.
Congratulations on ranking 2 in your level and 16 overall!
Congratulations!