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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sizzle (05/02/13)

TITLE: Hot or Cold?
By Retha Groenewald
05/07/13


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“What is the criterion?”

“Hot, he has to sizzle.”

“Sizzle?”

“Yes, like the hissing sound a hot frying pan makes when you add a piece of steak.”

“You want me to add him to a pan to see whether it sizzles?

Exasperated the angel stared at the apprentice, “Are we cannibals?”

“N…o”

“Then why do you want to cook him?”

“But you said…”

“I said,” the angel glared at the frightened apprentice.

“He sizzles,” another voice chirped from behind the angel.

Turning around, and pinpointing the voice, with his hands on his hips, the angel glared at the third angel. “Please inform us.”

Eagerly the third angel explained, “Yesterday, while I was waiting for your apprentice, I observed the human, called Johnny, sizzling. While driving his car, another motorist passed him and cut in front of him, touching his bumper very slightly. At the robot, Johnny got out of his car, and rushed to the window of the other motorist. Red faced and fist in the air, Johnny, proceeded to explain to the motorist that he was not happy with his actions.

“And you think that qualifies him?”

“He sizzled,” the angel defended himself.

“Now we have two who have no idea how sizzle can be a criteria. What does Revelation 3 verses 14 to 16 say?”

In one voice the two angels recited the Scripture. When they came to the part where the Lord said, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot,” the two angels stopped in mid-sentence.

“I see you have been enlightened. So what does it mean?”

Smiling foolishly the apprentice proceeded to explain to the angel that it has to do with a person’s relationship with the Lord, and not angry reactions toward another.

“So did John sizzle?”

“No, he is lukewarm; he doesn't care one way or the other about the Lord.”

Lukewarm is the most dangerous place we can be in our relationship with the Lord. The Bible tells us the Lord spits out the one that is lukewarm.

How would you describe your relationship with the Lord? Cold? Lukewarm? Or Sizzling Hot?


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This article has been read 157 times
Member Comments
Member Date
dub W05/10/13
Interesting dialog. Hint, you don't always have to have a speech tag, but to avoid possible confusion use one. Second idea, is if you use the name Johnny in the early part of the essay, use the same name later. You used John in the later part, and I had to go back and check to see if it was the same person. Like I said, very interesting way to handle the topic. Keep writing, you have a lot to share.
CD Swanson 05/10/13
Nice job here! I thought this was a clever piece and totally entertaining while offering a powerful message to boot. Loved it.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/12/13
I think this is quite creative. You do a nice job of pulling in the reader. You have several great showing than telling lines,but trying showing even more. Instead of using the line Exasperated, the angel stared. (I do love that you used that instead of a tagline) Go a step further and show what exasperated looks like. For example: The angel clenched his jaw and glared at the apprentice.

I really enjoyed this mini angel lesson and could visualize it easily. For me personally the last few lines could have been left out. Since you suddenly shift from the angels to speaking directly to the reader it can come off feeling a tad preachy. The reader will get the message from your story so you don't have to tell them directly.

Overall, I think you did a splendid job. I love the characters. The topic is blended into the story in a fresh way. Your dialog is natural and a great banter at the perfect pace. Good job.