The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/05/13
Yes, we do have to remember always the blood that dripped from Christ on the Cross and that He did it for us.
05/07/13
Interesting point of view - It was a little confusing in the middle, but it taught a good lesson. Keep writing.
I really enjoyed this story. You made your characters feel real and the dialog natural. I don't think I have ever read a story just like this before and I totally enjoyed it. I don't think you needed the last paragraph because you did such a fantastic job of showing your message to the reader. The ending is something many writers struggle with. I may have just had one of the friends say something like"You're okay Jimmy. Everything will be just fine." And then have Jimmy smile and say something like "I have no doubt, no doubt at all."
That might not be the exact way that you want to show it, but it reinforces to the reader, that because Jimmy has Jesus in his life that Jimmy knows, even if a door crashes down on him things are okay because Jesus endured so much more to make sure that we will be okay in the end. I think this is a powerful story and your words really touched me. Great bit of writing here.