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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Drip (04/25/13)

TITLE: Mr. Callaghan Man
By clarissa aguilera


Coming home after a long day at work I hear the kids running around in the back of the yard playing freeze tag. A game I use to play when I was younger, as I poured me a cup of coffee I sat in an old rocking chair that was my great grandmothers. Watching as the children screamed “freeze tag” laughing, screaming, and giggling as they went on in there game.

Granma, come play said little Susanna, swinging my hand back and forth “no sweetie, grandma has to start dinner.

Okay, said Susanna as she swung herself under my hand one final round.

As dinner was being served my oldest son Tomas 22 said pass the mashed potatoes and gravy please. “Oh mom, I just got out of the shower, and the shower head is leaking, think we need a new one?

Which bathroom son, mother replied?

The one up stairs mother, said Tomas.

As I ran my water for a bath, I ran my hand through the water, back and forth to get the feel of the warmth of the water, “ahh… was the first words out of my mouth soothing and relaxing. I slowly step in and with quickness I was in ecstasy. I placed a towel in the back of my head and embraced the luxurious relaxation and warmth of the water hitting my tired and overworked muscles. (PROVERBS 31: 31) NIV Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

As I reach for my robe I bend over to unplug the sink, then I hear a drip coming from the shower head I almost had forgotten my son had warned me about the leak.

“Mom said Tomas is broke or is it fixable? “You know me mom, your son is a jack of all trades, you got yourself a handy-man, and I do pluming too said Tomas with such confidents and with his ego so big and his chest popped out and with a big grin on his face. Excuse me folks said Tomas with a high pitched voice; step to the side lady’s let the Plummer do his job. With Tomas’s high pitch voice he said, “Excuse me, “pardon me, Excuse me, and pardon me
Tomas steps into the bathroom, and mother took a whack at him on the back of the head “ouch!” said Tomas what did you do that for.

You step on my toe Mr. Callaghan man … now gets to fix in the leak and get yourself in bed.

Yes mother replied Tomas with a big giant grin on his face as he put his hand over his mouth to hold in his laugh.

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This article has been read 177 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Phyllis Inniss05/05/13
You need to get someone to read over this article to get some corrections done.
Virgil Youngblood 05/06/13
The title invited me in. The loving family relationships that you describe convey a warm and pleasing feeling. There are writing and punctuation errors that can be corrected with practice and attention to detail. Well done. You have made a good start in the writing game by submitting this story.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/07/13
You have an interesting story and some fun characters here. I found myself smiling at the subtle humor.

You need a good proofreader or a reference book or website to help you with some of the rules of grammar and punctuation. When someone new speaks, always start a new paragraph even if it is just one word.

I like how you wove the topic in your story. You do have a way with your words. Keep writing and read as many challenges and leave comments too as that will help you advance in your own writing. Good job.