The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/05/13
You need to get someone to read over this article to get some corrections done.
The title invited me in. The loving family relationships that you describe convey a warm and pleasing feeling. There are writing and punctuation errors that can be corrected with practice and attention to detail. Well done. You have made a good start in the writing game by submitting this story.
You have an interesting story and some fun characters here. I found myself smiling at the subtle humor.

You need a good proofreader or a reference book or website to help you with some of the rules of grammar and punctuation. When someone new speaks, always start a new paragraph even if it is just one word.

I like how you wove the topic in your story. You do have a way with your words. Keep writing and read as many challenges and leave comments too as that will help you advance in your own writing. Good job.