The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Interesting narrative, reminiscent of 18th. Century Russian literature in style. The over emphasis on descriptive phrases made it somewhat difficult to ingest, however the soft story was enjoyable, though the ending troubling.
Good character descriptions. I know the topic was "Drip," but the word was a bit overused. Once or twice would have sufficed. I know the ending had a meaning, but I had trouble understanding the symbolism.
Interesting story.
I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of these two characters. You did a nice job of developing them. The way you started with the house intrigued me and pulled me in.

You need a good proofreader or perhaps a good website to review some of the punctuation rules. For example: gilt-edged and heavy-soled should have hyphens. Solicitor's office should have an apostrophe while It's actually means it is not the possessive form of it.

Those are little things that a challenge buddy or a critique group could help you with. Don't be afraid to ask some of the older members if they would be willing to proof your story for you.

I like the different and fresh take on the topic. I thought it was quite clever. I wish you could have gone into a bit more about the ending and the jars. My mind went to all kinds of things. I think I finally settled that maybe they were an urn with a loved-one's ashes or perhaps they were something deeper like a bit of their personalities. I know it's hard to get everything into 750 words, but I wanted to keep reading (which is a good sign) Perhaps if you had trimmed some of the descriptions of the houses and furnishings, you may have been able to add some more to the end.

Either way though, I thought you did a great job and I can only see you getting better and better as it is definitely clear that you have a gift for story-telling.