The Official Writing Challenge
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I really enjoyed this. you make some great points. The computer can be a great tool, but like anything if it is used to the extreme then it can become like you inferred, a dangerous addiction.

One thing I might suggest is to go back and notice how many times you repeated phrases or words like social network or cyberspace in some paragraphs. It's not always easy to find a synonym for those words so you could do something like this: A few years ago I discovered the online world; excited to find new friends and spread my faith, I ended up spending hours on social networks.
It's just a tiny change, but it helps the repetition and I also substituted some active verbs for passive ones like was which also helps you connect to the reader by showing, not telling.

You did a great job of weaving the topic throughout your story. I also liked how you used examples that pretty much everyone can relate to. Your ending really pulled the story together. Many authors find the ending difficult to manage, especially in under 750 words, but you did a great job of doing just that!

If you would like some more feedback, check out the tossing a brick thread on the message boards: http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36947&sid=9bf86fd740f6a3f9ea7b0dc030505a40
04/30/13
You are so right. We do get lost in cyberspace. Way too much at times. What will it be like in the next generation, I wonder? Nice job making me think.
Well worth reading. You have succinctly summed up the dangers of getting involved in cyberspace . . .

Throw a Brick for CLICK

http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36947
Congratulations on placing 12 in your level! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards at http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=55&t=36971&sid=fc51905b09e1c3a6153917b33a0614a4 )