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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Achoo (04/11/13)

TITLE: God in Ward Three
By Emma-Jane McLennan
04/17/13


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‘Beep, beep, beep’ the steady rhythm of machines calm me as I watch. One beep missing and all will be lost. Praying, hoping, waiting; my husband and I lose track of day and night. Machines, tubes, oxygen; they are all that keep my daughter alive.

As I push my dishevelled hair aside, I peer out of the window. The car park below is obscured by morning fog, I make out only faint outlines and the glow of a street light. Everything is on hold. Slowly I turn back to the incubator. Separated from my baby girl by a clear Perspex case, I study her as she sleeps. She is beautiful, tiny and beautiful.

Sometimes it’s hard to hope. The doctors said she wouldn’t live, that she isn’t strong enough. “There’s nothing we can do, just wait”. That simply kills me. Family, friends all gather around, not sure if they are here to celebrate or mourn.

167 hours. That’s how long I waited to hold her. Finally, the day came when she was strong enough to breathe on her own. Released at last from her life giving cell, she is handed to me, her mother. Almost trembling with joy, I admire this precious gift we have been given. While tears roll softly down my cheeks, I hold her close.

Her tiny face is punctuated by rosebud lips, and her button nose crinkles gently. Suddenly a tiny ‘Achoo!’ is heard. ‘Bless you!’ I cry, ‘Oh bless you my darling!’. Encircled in her Daddy’s arms, I know we have been truly blessed.

Hebrews 13:5 ‘…because God has said “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you”


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This article has been read 116 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/19/13
Wow this is a powerful story. You do a great job of introducing the conflict immediately and pulled me right into the room with the parents and baby.

Some tiny red ink would be to remind you of the rule to not start a sentence with a numeral. Either write it out or rearrange it like this: After 167 hours, I finally wrapped my arms around her.

You did a great job of building the suspense. I have a bad habit of not reading the titles right away. I think if I had read this one, it might have given the ending away, though it's hard for me to say for sure. I do think you handled the topic and showed that hope can be excruciating or more incredible than anything. I often try not to hope so I won't be disappointed but I'm learning that it is better to hope because, either way God is right there beside me every step of the way. Your story really shows this.
Joanne Sher 04/23/13
A compelling story with great description and emotion. I was with you throughout. Lovely
Judith Gayle Smith04/24/13
Lovely and heartwarming.