The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/12/13
You do an excellent job showing all the splashes in Josie's life. I can picture all the waves moving up and down, and the dialogue ties in well, helping to show us exactly how she's feeling.

The part about Josie's friend fighting with the elders at the church is kind of abrupt, however - easily fixed by adding a "then" before "suddenly." Also, the final dialogue seems to come to too quick of an end given the subject matter.

Overall, I think this is an excellent take on the topic, which gives much food for thought. Thanks for sharing.
04/15/13
Interesting entry, with many peaks and valleys. It held my attention and was on topic. Nicely done.

God bless~
How beautifully you have written the pains and joys of a growing Christian.