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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: "Splash" 4-11-13 Deadline (04/04/13)

TITLE: Moses
By Lisa Hudson



It just wasn’t possible, but this time she saw it with her own eyes. ‘Splash!’ Jochebed watched in horror as the Egyptian guard dropped the last baby into the river. For a moment she thought she had cried out loud, and sank behind the bulrushes to hide. Even if she hadn’t made a sound, she was sure they’d be able to hear her heart beating outside of her chest. Her own head was throbbing with every beat, so strong that she had to put her hands up to her ears to muffle the sound. It was as if the little person inside her could sense her fear and kicked hard from inside her womb.

Realizing the guards had not seen or heard her, as soon as they left the riverbank Jochebed crouched down and ran slowly as she tried to make her way back to their small home without being seen. She sat down on her bed on the floor and pulled her shawl up over her shoulders. It was warm outside, but she couldn’t seem to stop trembling. ‘Splash!’ ‘Splash!’ She kept seeing their little, delicate bodies being thrown in the water. Her face was drenched with tears that just wouldn’t dry up.

“How can this be happening to us?” Jochebed pleaded in her mind.

For the last several months the Egyptian guards have been searching the Hebrew homes for baby boys under the age of two. They are literally snatching them from their mothers’ arms, killing them right in front of her. Sometimes Jochabed and Amram are startled awake in the middle of the night by the screams and sobs from the mothers and fathers whose home had just been searched, and their precious baby taken away. Jochabed had heard they were tossing the bodies in the river, but just couldn’t believe it…until now.

Amram started walking a bit faster when he saw their house in the distance. He was hungry and knew Jochabed would have a good meal waiting for him. Miriam and Aaron would be home soon as well, and the thought of his family being together after a long day of hard work was just what Amram needed. He entered the front door and at first, his heart sunk just a little because he couldn’t smell anything cooking over the fire. Disappointment turned to panic when he remembered his new baby was due any day now.

“Jochabed! Jochabed!” Amram shouted as he walked toward the back room where they slept.

He was relieved to find his wife lying down and sleeping on the pallet on the floor, but immediately shook her when he noticed the mud on her feet.

“Jochabed! Did you leave the house? Jochabed! Wake up!” Amram was frantic with worry, yet angry that she had disobeyed him.

Wiping her eyes, Jochabed pulled herself up to a sitting position. “I heard the splashes in the river, and had to see for myself…Nobody saw me…I’m sure.”

“Jochabed! You know you can’t be seen by anyone right now. The guards will know you are expecting and will keep coming back until the baby is born! It’s too dangerous! You must stay in the house!” Amram insisted, yet tears were welling up in his eyes as he spoke. “You saw them? They were really throwing them in the river?”

“Yes…just tossing them in the water, like trash.” Jochabed held on to Amram as they both sat together and wept. “God of Abraham, please let this child be a little girl…” Jochabed sobbed into his chest.

“Somehow, we will protect this little one.” Amram said softly to Jochabed as he held her face in his hands. “With God’s help, this child will live a long life, whether it is male or female. I believe the time of our suffering is coming to an end, and this child will grow up to do great things.” Amram kissed his wife on her forehead and smiled his comforting smile.

Just then, Jochabed realized the time of day and knew she had forgotten to make supper for her husband.

“Amram, you must be so hungry!” she said, as she clumsily tried to stand up.

Amram put his arms on Jochabed’s shoulders and said, “I was when I came through the door, but not anymore. My heart is full and my cup is overflowing with the love I have for you and our children. You stay here and rest. I’ll fix something to eat for all of us.”

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This article has been read 317 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Judith Gayle Smith04/11/13
Best rethink to placing yourself in at least the Intermediate Level. This was absolutely rivetting.
Nancy Bucca04/12/13
Wow, this was great! You did a fantastic job taking us back in time to how Moses' parents must have felt and the urgency to protect him before he was born.

Bonnie Bowden 04/12/13
Great retelling of this Bible story.
Grace Merkey04/14/13
This made me think how it must have been for those parents. You did a really good job.
C D Swanson 04/15/13
Great job in depicting what may have been "behind the scenes" with Moses parents.

Nicely done, and wonderfully written. I enjoyed this very much.

God bless~
Alicia Renkema04/16/13
I agree with Judith, I don't know if one can switch once he / she has placed themselves in a level, but this is an absolutely excellent piece of fictional writing depicting what it was probably like for these two famous biblical parents. I was on the edge of my seat the whole way through. I am excited about reading more of your writings. I adore good biblical fiction. I hope this does very well for you, it is clever for the topic as well as being wonderful to read in every way.
Michelle Knoll 04/16/13
This is a great story. The characters' emotions come through so clearly. I agree you should think about moving up to at least the Intermediate level. I really enjoyed this!
lynn gipson 04/17/13
This is very good writing. A great story. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.You should go ahead a move up to level two, your writing just shines!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/17/13
This is a thrilling story. You do a wonderful job of painting a picture for the reader and pulling me in with your words.

I noticed some little things like run slowly sounds like an oxymoron. Perhaps jogged would have been a better fit. I also admit I scratched my head a bit because I had never heard of the soldiers drowning the babies, but rather killed them on site, but I'll admit that because of an illness I have a hard time remembering so I could be wrong.

I do think it is a wonderful take on the story and is quite a thrilling tail. Perhaps seeing babies drowned in the river was how Moses' mother thought of putting him in the basket. It makes me stop and ponder the story and look it up in my Bible which is always a good thing.
Christina Banks 04/17/13
Wonderful piece of Biblical fiction. You captured the emotions vividly. This entry shines.
lynn gipson 04/18/13
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/18/13
Congratulations on ranking 33 overall! (The highest rankings can be found in the message boards)
Judith Gayle Smith04/20/13