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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sharp (03/07/13)

TITLE: silently sharp
By ted staller jr
03/14/13


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Silently sharp

Quick now, hurry … we mustn’t tarry. Run, run, run as fast as you can through this place, it’s here where Jimmy disappeared last week. Without a shout or a scream; the sharps appeared and took him away.
You mean Jimmy, the one born last year? He was the strongest and fastest of the litter, how could he be taken? Andy, said Carl, Jimmy was taken because he wouldn’t take advice, he stopped and gaped at the world on top. A place where we don’t belong, we can only visit it for a brief short run. Come on … let’s go!
Oh this wretched earth, this hard and stony ground, not fit to allow, one to safely pass through. We must rise above our favored home, the tunnels, those cherished furrows dug by our ancestors of years ago. Easily, and safely we traverse these hallowed halls till we must rise, if but for a moment, one quick dash… over there beneath the trees, there, there is where we must feed.
My heart beats fast, as I strike for the forest. I am unable to bear the thought of those sharps penetrating my hair. Be sharp now, Johnny on the spot, stumble not, and take your best shot. Run, run, run as fast as you can, do you see the spot? Beneath the stump, our safe harbor, the next furrow entrance. I do. I see it, come on, move it!!
Andy, we made it, let’s take a moment to catch our breath. We’re safe now; we can waltz our way through to the feeding place. Thanks Carl for guiding me to this spot, I couldn’t have made it without you. Well, we were fortunate tonight, but we’re not home yet. We can feed till 4 o’clock, but then we must go, must be home before the morning shows. Andy, hunker down low, feed on these roots… stay out of sight, don’t go topside. Okay Carl, sounds good to me, we’ll split up and I’ll meet you back here at 4 o’clock.
The thought of a better lunch topside proved too much for Andy to overcome. He silently, stealthily, dug from below, till the cool night air tickled his wriggly nose… his nose, working overtime finds no hint of danger. So, he deftly crawls from his sacred tunneled home, and finds himself awash in a sea of lush orchard grass. Ah, the sweetness of this fresh grass he never had it better. He ate to his fill, content, and eager to share his discovery with Carl. He turns and heads for home, when he catches a glimpse of movement on an apple tree branch.
He freezes, unable to move, a sharp lightening rod of fear flies up his back. He remembers Carl’s warning about going topside, and wishes he would have listened. Maybe it doesn’t see me, what is it? Friend, foe … his thoughts banter back and forth between fear and thought. The form, with two spires fixed atop its head, makes a violent motion and deposits a lump of something near Andy’s head. Slowly Andy comes to recognize the lump of something that came from the form…. It’s Jimmy! Or what’s left of him, he’s only a shell of his former … self. Oh Jimmy, Jimmy…
A quick dash, and Andy is safe again… down the sacred hole till he runs head long into Carl. Carl, who had been looking for Andy was getting worried, since it was by now well past four. Carl looked into Andy’s eyes, and could tell he’d been topside…. The guilt was written all over his face. I’m sorry said Andy; I just couldn’t resist the temptation of going above. Well, okay, said Carl, at least you’re alive, you can tell me about it when we get home. Okay said Andy, lets go !
Okay, Andy, here we are, follow me … remember, run, run, run, as fast as you can, be quick now, no time for sightseeing. Just keep your head down and run! Ready…. Go!!
Without a sound, nor a warning to be found, the sharps did find one plump, little critter making his way back home. It would have been better to have eaten a little less grand, then to have gorged oneself at the topside stand.
All it took was one slow of foot, for the sharps to find their mark again, around the girth of this once tempted soul, who thought it better to go it alone.


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This article has been read 207 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joseph Veseli03/16/13
This was an interesting read. The imagery was good. But it was a difficult read.

I know, I would have enjoyed it more if you had broken up the story into paragraphs and if you used quotes. It was difficult to follow who was speaking without them.

If you take a look at some of the other entries, you will get a better idea of what I'm saying.

I'm very eager to read more of your work though. This was very imaginative, and a unique take on the topic.
CD Swanson 03/17/13
Clever job with this entry, certainly on topic. Loved the conclusion...powerful.

God bless~
Judith Gayle Smith03/19/13
Suspenseful and engrossing! Study punctuation (as I must do also). Loved your tale . . .

Was the sharp in the story a Great Horned Owl?
ted staller jr 03/20/13
yes, it is a great horned owl... this is my first attempt at the writing challenge, i need to take everyone's advice, and learn to punctuate better. Maybe I'll take an on-line college course in writing. But,i must say, i really enjoyed this challenge. hope to enter again in a few weeks.... but judging from the other entries, I'll need to be sharper to win and advance to the next level. in closing, the furry little critters in the story, are really people characters in disguise. specifically Christians, the cherished furrows represent Gods' Word,when we stay within His boundaries we are at our safest. The hallowed tunnels represent our church families, when we leave, and go outside, or go it alone... bad things tend to happen. The wretched earth, and stoney ground, represent our fallen sinful nature, which compels us at times to leave our safe, protected places, only to find ourselves in a painfully dangerous places.