The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
03/14/13
Excellent poem. My only suggestion would be to format it into stanzas, so the reader can more easily read it.
Thank you Bonnie. I tried for a couple of hours before submitting this poem to do just that. I copied and pasted it into the box and spaced it out in various ways, and I tried uploading the original text document which was properly formatted; but no matter what I did it jumbled the whole thing together as it appears here. Finally I got tired of messing with it, around 2am, so I gave up and just submitted it, thinking there was nothing else I could do. Then this morning, I tried again. I copied it to a 'rtf' file and used bulletholes to properly space it, and it worked when I copied it to a text file in the box! I think I finally figured out what to do from now on. I resubmitted this article with proper spacing, but I'm not sure if they accepted it b/c it was my second entry on the same topic. Oh well, at least now I know!
Actually Christopher it reads like a rap - aparently its called "Slamming". If you read it as if you were "Eminem" it sounds cool. Dont forget the baggy trousers and baseball cap around the wrong way and the jigging and finger and thumb movement.

This would be great at a Holy Sunday Passover service.
03/16/13
The other one is on here as well. It has the same title, and it's listed two down from this one.

Great job! I left a review on the other one.
This is outstanding. I think you did a fantastic job of describing the crucifixion.

I'm not sure if the order was correct as far as putting the crown on before seeing Pilate and things like that, but I'm not sure in this case if it matters. The only thing I would suggest is to divide it into stanzas with double space to give the reader that all important white space. I'm not good at hearing rhythm so I didn't notice it and the rhymes until about halfway through and I think traditional formatting may have helped with that. Always hit preview before you hit submit because often when pasting a piece in the submission box, you'll lose the formatting and may have to go back and do it manually.

I think you really managed to capture this scene. The pictures you painted were brilliant as was the message. Congratulations on ranking 14th in level one! (The top 8 to 15 in each level and the top 35 overall depending on number of entries are posted on the message boards)
I never read the comments before I comment because I don't want them to influence me. I think your best bet is to copy and paste it into the box, then go through and put the spaces in manually. I know there are ways to get it centered too, if that's what you wanted. Check out the message boards for more hints. Again great job!