The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/08/13
Oh, this is good.

I know in school we were often taught to use words besides "said." However, it's best to avoid the word and its synonymns all together. For example, instead of saying "He asked" you could say "He raised his eyebrows. 'What is your sin?'" SHOW us what's happening instead of just telling us. Feel free to contact me via PM if you want more info. :)

Nice job, and nice to hear it's a true story.
This is a powerful story. I could feel all kinds of emotions as you took me on this sad journey. At times I struggled a bit with the transitions. You handled a delicate topic with love and understanding and I have been blessed by your words.
03/11/13
I mentioned that you should try to get rid of the word "said" and the words like it. Let me give you a couple of examples from your story.

Here you wrote:
I offered him a seat into which he threw himself and his bag.

"I have come to see the man of God in charge of this ministry." he started.


You could say: The man sighed before plopping into the seat. "I have come to see the man of God in charge of this ministry."


And this one: "Bro, what's your prayer point?" I asked in obedience.

"Forgiveness." he replied.

You could change this to:
I looked at the man, a bit perplexed. "Brow, what's your prayer point?"

"Forgiveness."


Since it's clearly a conversation between two people, you don't have to say "he said" (or anything of the sort) each time, because it's pretty clear who's speaking.

Just try to imagine what the person is doing and describe that, instead of using the word "said."

I hope that makes sense!



03/12/13
Wow! God really used you that day--obedience is the key. I wonder if the man had some psychological problem he needed help for.