The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 568 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
03/08/13
Oh this is good!

My only suggestion would be to add a blank line between paragraphs. It makes reading easier on the eyes.

Nice job with this.
This is a riveting story. You grabbed my attention and kept it until the very end. I could feel my heart pound as I continue to read, wondering how this poor innocent boy would ever be saved. But then aren't we all doomed if not for asking Christ into our hearts?

I do have some tiny red ink. Though your descriptions are wonderful, take care that you don't slip into purple prose. You have an amazing talent of storytelling. While it is important to set the scene,consider which way would draw the reader in the fastest. Be careful, that with only 750 words, that each syllable is a vital part to move the story along.

I think you did a great job of showing your message using such intense imagery. It came out loud and clear and did not feel preachy. There was all most a poetic feel to it. I can feel your passion as the story unfolds. I think you will touch way more hearts than you will ever be able to imagine. You have some amazing talent. I look forward to reading more of your work.

If you would like more feedback, throw a brick on the message board. Here's a link for you to copy and paste to take you there: http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36659
03/14/13
Congrats! God Bless~
Congratulations on your Highly Commended. Great job!
Congratulations on ranking 31 overall! (THE TOP 40 RANKINGS OVERALL CAN BE FOUND ON THE MESSAGE BOARD!)