The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Oh, this is good!

There are a few spots that are a bit rough and they could be improved with a bit of rewording. Feel free to PM me if you want specifics. It really didn't detract much from the story itself, though.

Nice job building intensity and tension.
I enjoyed this allegory. How true it is that each city or town is two totally different places depending on time and position. You did a much better job of describing that than I did, but I did get your message loud and clear and I think it's a great one.

I wonder if you had started with the accident and cries for help if that would have had a greater pull for the reader. In today's era of instant gratification, it's vital to pull the reader in immediately.A tiny note: okay should be spelled out or both letters in caps OK

Overall, I think you did a great job of bringing the characters to life. You used the topic in s different way. I think the symbolism behind it is intense. I like the ending. You answered my thoughts and left me with a sense of true love and friendship. Nice job.

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Wow I like this story - short direct and instantly pulling you in - grea job.
This story strikes a chord. One day my sister and I were traveling through a different area of town and were stopped by several youths (no gun though). My sister decided just to floor it and probably saved our lives.

Exciting and well done.