The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/08/13
(I thought I already posted this, then found this in progress. So I apologize if this comes twice.)

This is good.

I'd suggest that rather than just telling us about the couple, SHOW us. Give us a conversation between the husband and wife that show everything you told us. If you want more information/details, feel free to message me.

Nice job over all. Keep writing!
I think that you did a marvelous job in telling this charming story. I am inspired by love such as this. It's beautiful and something we all hope for. I believe my parents would have made it to 50, 60 even 70 years together had my mom not died at such a young age.

I did notice some tiny errors and typos such as grandchildren is one word. A good proofreader or challenge buddy can help you spot these things before you submit. I would encourage you to read some stories in levels 3 and 4 and see if you connect with the certain author, If you do, send them a personal message and ask if they would consider being your challenge buddy. Or you could go to the message boards and look for a critique group there. Unfortunately, not everyone has been successful finding someone that way.

Overall, I think you did a fine job on covering this topic. There have been many stories this week about the ties that bind, but I enjoyed the personal touch that you put into this article. I left with a sense of hope and a smile in my heart, which is a great way to start my day. Good job.

If you would like more feedback, throw a brick on the message board. Here's a link for you to copy and paste to take you there: http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36659