The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/08/13
I love the story at the beginning about the quilt.

This felt a bit... disjointed to me at times, perhaps because you seem to ask permission to share your thoughts. If you're writing a devotional, feel free to just tell us. You don't have to ask first. :)

Nice job, overall. Keep writing.
03/09/13
I liked the beginning of this piece. I just wanted you to share more about the individual squares and what each one meant to the corresponding family member.
I think you did a great job on this lovely story. I found a big lump in my throat as I was reading it. There is something special that ties us to our family members. Even though we may know they're in a good place,it's still hard to grieve on earth.


You might want to consider the old adage, show; don't tell. It's not an easy concept for writers to understand and many will struggle with it their whole life. For example, take the first bit of your second paragraph, just by rewording it a bit you can show your reader your emotions. This is just an example to show you what I mean. I enjoy curling up with my nose in a good book. A smile spreads across my face as I get engrossed in the characters. Oh, but when I hold that baby blanket against my cheek, my heart pounds as I close my eyes, sniffing the heirloom and allowing it to take me back to Grandma's house.
I know that may not capture the right feelings, but I wanted to give you an example of what I mean by showing or painting a picture.

You did a nice job of covering the topic. I liked how you used something many people can relate to, in order to get your message out there. I also enjoyed the ending, just make sure you cite the composer and lyricist in an author's note. That doesn't add to the word count, so you don't need to worry about that. I truly enjoyed your story and found myself mulling over treasures I've saved. I look forward to reading more of your work.