The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is awesome. I enjoyed it. Unique take on the topic. Good job!
Riveting piece of writing. It was very different than what I had imagined from the title. Should be a winner.
I think this is a brilliant story. You did a fantastic job of introducing the conflict and keeping the reader interested. You have a gift for suspenseful storytelling.

The only comments I could offer would be brush up on some of the punctuation rules. One example is in the fifth paragraph, you need a comma after the words I read the tag.

You definitely nailed the topic in a different, fresh, and exciting way. Your message was clear and succinct without being preachy or sanctimonious. That's not an easy line to balance but you did it with great skill. I enjoyed this piece from beginning to end.

If you would like more feedback, throw a brick on the message board. Here's a link for you to copy and paste to take you there:
Excellent story line and captivating writing, with a powerful thought provoking conclusion. Well done.
Congratulations on ranking 6th in level one and 40 overall! (You can find the top 15 in your level and the top 40 overall on the message boards)