Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Tie (02/28/13)
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TITLE: Not a Black One to be Found | Previous Challenge Entry
By Deborah Sampson
03/06/13 -
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“That’s great Alex, I am so proud of you. What was your essay about? You never told me, dear.” Lisa continued folding her laundry as she spoke.
“I can’t tell you mom, it’s a secret but you will be able to hear it, Saturday, You and Dad are invited along with Sara of course.” Alex tried to sound like he didn’t want his sister there, but she knew better, for those two had become more than siblings; they cared and protected each other, but when they were mad at each other is was a different story.
“Alex, you know that I’m not one for going places, I don’t think”--
“Mom, please for me. I know Dad will come, I’ll call him. I know that Sandra and Dad will both come. It’s not every day that a guy has this happen to him.” Alex said with a big grin.
“Alex, you haven’t had a suit in quite a while, I don’t have the money to get you one, and we barely make ends meet as it is. But maybe we can find one at the second hand store that would be your size, it’s worth a try.”
The smile on his face faded a fraction, but he understood, he would just pray that there would be a suit in his size. He knew that mom worked hard and even with his part-time job they had to be careful in anything extra they purchased.
Dad wouldn’t have the extra money; he spent money faster than he made it. They were always coming up short on some bill.
“Can we go now Mom, to check it out? I need to know as soon as I can.”
“Sure let’s go.” The store was close by and not busy, Lisa pulled into the parking place, “Please Lord, let Alex find one.”
Walking the rows of suits now, she helped Alex search the racks, coming to an area of black suits Alex lifted up one, it was marked thirty-two medium -thirty inch inseam.
“Can you believe it Mom, can I try it on?”
“Let me see it and the price please.” She laughed. She couldn’t believe the price. It was only seven dollars. “Ok, go try it on.”
She also found a couple of shirts for three dollars he could pick from, but no black tie. The suit fit beautifully, he chose the light blue shirt. Lisa told him that there was not a black tie to be found here. “Does it have to be black?”
“It has to be black. Maybe the discount store will have one. Can we check?”
The result was the same there, not a black tie to be found. They checked a couple of places, but to no avail.
“Hey, Stop here, mom, let’s go in and see.” The sign on the door read suits for Weddings and Proms.
She knew that it would be costly, Alex asked the clerk and he led him to the rows of ties, the cheapest black tie was thirty-nine dollars. Alex was disappointed; they just did not have it.
They left the store a little down, but Alex wouldn’t give up, God could do anything and he was going to give it to Him and wait and see. He knew the Lord all his life and at sixteen he knew what he knew! Anything was possible.
It was late on Thursday evening that a knock came at the door. Lisa went to answer it. “Why Hello Pastor Joe, what brings you out this way?”
“Lisa, funny as this is, I kept thinking about Alex, I have a favor to ask him. I received some ties for my birthday, so these I was going to donate. Do you think he could use them? I know kids now days don’t”-
Lisa just laughed as she looked at Alex and then Pastor Joe. In the middle was a beautiful black tie. After explaining the circumstance of their situation, Pastor Joe laughed too, but he also knew of the intense feeling he had in bringing them over. Things do not happen by coincidence. A little matter, but not to Alex, and not to the God he served.
Saturday arrived and Alex looked great! The Title of the Essay, ‘Don’t Lose Faith’. Alex began the award winning essay.
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You had some little things like Mom should start with a capital M when being used as a name. Some of the dialog felt a bit unnatural. One example would be the phrase you will, instead use a contraction you'll. Another example would be this line: Lisa told him that there was not a black tie to be found here.
Instead, use a narrative and a quote like this: Lisa searched for a black tie. Finally, she threw her arms up. "There's not a black tie anywhere."
This way instead of telling the reader you show.
Overall I think you did a fantastic job. I enjoyed your characters and I think you really showed their personalities. You definitely covered the topic. I think the ending was a fantastic message. It left me with a smile on my face and reminded me of how much God cares, even about things that others may think are little. If it matters to us, it matters to God.
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